So the basic premise here is that Moms like sex just as much as the next gal.*

*Except when they’re too busy.

And there’s the rub. (Or lack thereof.) Because Moms’re always too busy now aren’t they? Which is why Babeland’s Sexy Mama Bloggers (in honor of Mother’s Day) have been asked to tackle this question: When do you fit sex in?

And so enters The Quickie. You know, the 2.5-minute roll in the hay that you squeeze in during the Bungle of Joy’s Saturday nap. Or before the B. o. J. wakes up Sunday morning. Or on some harried after-work, after-dinner, after-bedtime weeknight while before falling into an exhausted coma of a sleep that threatens to give you the new nickname: Log. (I always thought it telling how a downed tree in a forest is called a nursery log; even inert and prone, Mama Log nurtures and sustains tiny creatures’ lives. But I–clearly a Pacific Northwesterner–digress.)

Anyway, the Parenting Sex Books seem to be fans of the quickie, suggesting that “sex — even quickie sex — is critical” for new parents. And, while I don’t disagree (I mean, who has time for a luxurious all-day romp when there are bellies to burp, noses to blow, and tee-ball games to cheer), I do have to point out a few devilish details:

1. You might have noticed that quickie implies speed.
2. But most women take longer to reach orgasm (at least with a partner) than men do.
3. Not to mention, in a quickie situation, the PRESSURE.
4. So if your partner is a guy, and you’re doing something quick, then — let’s be honest now — most likely he’s going to get more bang for his…4-letter word.
5. And you. All you get is lickety-split sex.
6. (Er, without the lick.)

Now, Dr. Helen Fisher says that ANY sexual stimulation will give us the dopamine boost that creates those all-important lovey-dovey feelings. So even quickie sex, sans Big (or lil) O, can help our relationships. Though I’d venture to guess that most of us would prefer our dopamine with a side of orgasm, please.

And yet, there is something sexy (perhaps powerful, perhaps fulfilling, perhaps confidence-boosting) about giving a partner pleasure; the traditional quickie certainly has its (speedy) time and (flexible) place. But sometimes moms want some serious, if quick, pleasure too. So here are some tips to making quickies fulfilling for both involved…

1. Quickie sex does not have to be intercourse. Especially since 75% of women don’t orgasm during intercourse. So why not spend your precious 2.5 10 minutes doing something that will work for both of you?

2. Or, come to think of it, just YOU. If you don’t have time to do the whole tit-for-tat thing, then why not divide and conquer. Tit for him one day, tat for you another. This might be the one thing in your relationship where it’d be fun to keep score. Or maybe develop a new rhythm all together (tit-for-tat, rata-tat-tat).

3. Speaking of dividing and conquering, here’s a trick I heard about at Babeland’s Sexy Mamas event last Sunday: If you happen to wake earlier than your partner one day, then why not take care of yourself (which, statistics say, takes only 3-4 minutes when your partner’s out of the picture), then wake him for a quickie focused on him. That’ll start the day out with a bang!

Beyond the physical, one of the wonderful things about sexual intimacy with a partner is the emotional intimacy it brings. And while the quickie certainly has its place, it also has its limits. So here’s another idea offered by a psychologist at last Sunday’s Babeland event: Instead of getting a babysitter so you and your partner can go OUT, find a babysitter who’ll let you stay IN (e.g. sitter takes kids to the zoo or a movie — or the moon for all you care)…so then you can take all the time with your partner — and s/he with you — that you’d like.

This post has been cross-posted at my Happily Even After blog for the Seattle P-I.

Writer and mom Janna Cawrse is writing a travel memoir called The Motion of the Ocean: 1 Small Boat, 2 Average Lovers, and the World’s Longest Honeymoon (Touchstone Fireside, Summer 2009). You can read more about relationships at her Seattle Post-Intelligencer blog Happily Even After. If you have questions or topic ideas for “Moms Like Sex Too,” email janna [at] seattlemomblogs.com.

If you live in the Seattle area and have been itching for the garage sale season to begin, today is your day. The team behind West Seattle Blog have organized a massive community garage sale with more than 140 sales (!) peppered throughout West Seattle.  The sales are from 9am - 3 pm today and you can visit the West Seattle Garage Sale site for maps, sale descriptions and more information.  Enjoy!

It’s Tuesday night and I find myself getting ready to drive over to Babeland for an event called “Sexy Mamas,” which promises to teach us the secrets of “having it all” (sex, sanity and sleep).  There’ll be a panel of experts who will school us in the secrets of rekindling desire, embracing our mom bodies, and creating time for ourselves. 

And, since it’s hosted at what can only be called a vendor of sex toys, there’s a whole host of interesting shopping possibilities.  Not to mention the free cupcakes, wine, cheese, and massages.

The question is, what do you WEAR to an event like this?  Leather pants?  See-through shirt?  Spiked collar?  Fish-nets and a miniskirt?

I settle on a black shirt and jeans and some sexy sandals.  I plaster on some extra eye shadow, because somehow it just seems right.

Meanwhile Jay is hovering anxiously nearby.  “Are you late?  Shouldn’t you be leaving?  It’s 6:30 already!  You don’t want to be late!”

Hmm, he’s unusually supportive of my night out.

I arrive at the event right on time (thanks, Jay!), grab a glass of wine, and am relieved to find that my fellow bloggers Stacey and Janna are already here.  I am even more relieved as I look around the room and discover that it is packed with a whole lot of normal-looking (if slightly frazzled) women. There isn’t a leather bodice or nipple ring in sight.

I get right to work rekindling my desire for cupcakes and soft cheese (I even embrace my mom body a couple times as I squeeze myself into a metal chair).

The tantra teacher isn’t making it, we learn, due to a sprained ankle or elbow.

Wonder how THAT happened?!

The speakers include a psychologist and a writer. I like them both, but am particularly fond of the psychologist. Truth be told, I’m tempted to pack her in my purse and bring her home. I think she could do wonders for my psyche and relationships.

(What’s the point of a massive purse if you can’t keep your own personal shrink inside it, am I right?)

There’s a whole lot of frank discussion and sharing.  What becomes clear to me almost immediately is that there are a lot of moms out there who are trying to figure out how to be a mom and have a sex life.

We’re so tired.

We have resentment issues.

We’re so busy.

Our bodies feel foreign, and let’s be honest, we’re not proud of how they look.

And, did I mention, we’re so TIRED?!

Sex falls off the radar and we get out of the habit.  It just feels like so much work.  And before we know it we’re sleeping at opposite sides of the bed, barely speaking, and wondering how we ever got here.

Sound familiar?  If not, you are VERY LUCKY, and I’ll be insisting that you do the NEXT post on sex in which you share all your secrets.

The good news is that there’s hope. We can have a good sex life and be a mom.  The trick is to make sex a priority.  There’s a lot of ways to do this, but some ideas include:

1. Schedule it.  Don’t wait for it to happen spontaneously… because the fact is that there is no spontaneity once you become a mother.  Well, unless it’s spontaneous vomiting.  Or weeping.  But the good kind is elbowed out what with all the busyness.
2. Talk about it.  What can each of you do to add some pizazz into your sex life?  Maybe it’s a new toy.  Maybe it’s a new position.  Maybe it’s getting a hotel room for the night. Maybe it’s going to a sex panel at Babeland or reading Janna’s “Moms like sex too” column. Figure out what you can do to add back some spark, and then DO IT. (which leads me right into #3)
3. Just do it.  Seriously, even when you don’t feel like it.  Even when you’re really tired.  Sex is something you have to do in order to enjoy.  And one you start doing it, then you’ll start feeling like doing it.

And so, after much conversation, thought, and laughter, I head home with my bag of goodies and a whole lot of ideas.

Maybe this doesn’t have to be so hard after all.

Here’s hoping…

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Catch more of Jenny Blackburn’s humorous anecdotes on being a mom, a woman, and a whole lot crazy at Absolutely Bananas.

We’ve decided that we’re long overdue for an official comment policy.  So, without further ado, here it is.

At Seattle Mom Blogs we encourage debate, discourse, and free expression of beliefs and opinions.  Our members and readers come from all walks of life and span a wide range of political and ideological points of view. 

We never censor comments based on political or ideological point of view. We only delete those comments that are abusive, off-topic, use excessive foul language, or include spam. 

Well, when you’re sick enough that all you can do is lie in bed with your lappy all week, you can read a lot of blogs, and since that’s been me this week, here’s what’s going on with all of you:

Carrie paid to have her son’s hair cut this week. Guess who she paid? Not the barber….

I wish I knew which baby pool Scout frequents… don’t drink the water kids!

Ashley enjoyed some of the wonderful but rare Northwest Sunshine at the BEACH!! I wish I could have gone to the beach. I wish I could have gone to Safeway…

Kirida asked the internet some pretty good questions...

Who knew that a calendar could have such bad karma? Denise didn’t.

And I just love this blog. It is just so full of beautiful things and ways to spend the hub’s paycheck. I could spend all day at Kids Haus.

Look for another round of roundups next week! Make it a good one!

There has been a lot of hoopla lately about the recent release of the video game, Grand Theft Auto IV (aka, GTA4). Many parents are up in arms over its raunchy themes and the constant bad behaviors displayed by the main characters. Behaviors like killing police officers, drunk driving, doing drugs, frequenting strip clubs and plowing down innocent pedestrians with various stolen cars. Oh yes, and let’s not forget the constant stream of f-bombs and offensive language.

In this recent stir of controversy surrounding GTA4, even Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) has had something to say. They’ve requested the Entertainment Software Ratings Board (ESRB) to reclassify the game as “Adults Only”; its current rating is Mature. In addition, they’ve called on publisher Take-Two Interactive and developer Rockstar Games to consider stopping distribution of the game.

I get it, I really do. The game is incredibly irreverent on many levels. How do I know? Because my husband bought the game and has been playing it for the last week.

So yes, I’ve seen it. I’ve sat alongside my husband for several hours, watching him play. Both of us periodically find ourselves saying things like, “OMG! I can’t believe he just did that! That is sooooo bad!!” in reaction to the antics of the game’s characters. And then we shake our heads and laugh.

Personally, I think MADD and all the other parents freaking out about this game need to chill out.

Now hang on a sec before you blast me for saying that! Let me explain my stance.

I think the critical problem here, the thing that parents are losing sight of, is the fact that not all video games are intended for children. Yet somehow many parents seem to think that they are, so they get upset when a game is inappropriate for their children. But you know what? Video games are like movies. Some are for kids, and some are for adults. Plain and simple.

The makers of GTA4 did not create this crazy game for kids. They made it for adults. (And yes, there are a lot of adults that play video games. My hubby and I included.) This is why the game is rated M, which means “mature”, which means basically the same thing as an R-rated movie.

And that’s what parents need to compare video games to: movies. Video games are not “toys”. They are a form of entertainment made for people of every age. Just like movies, you have to use your parental judgment to decide what your kids are allowed to play. Would you plop your 5-year old in front of an R-rated movie? Of course you wouldn’t. Neither should you plop them in front of M-rated games.

The ratings are there to help us, the parents. It is our responsibility to pay attention to those ratings and to supervise the games our children play. We need to teach our children to use sound judgment when playing games at a friend’s house. We need to foster relationships with the parents of our kids’ friends so that everyone is on the same page. And if the other parents don’t care and let their 10-year old play M-rated games, then guess what? I guess Johnny doesn’t get to go to Davey’s house anymore. You are the parent. It’s up to you to parent your children, not up to the video game industry to make games you approve of.

As for MADD, I do understand their concerns. The problem here again is that they are losing sight of another important aspect of video games: this is fantasy, it’s not real life. Just because I’ve watched a movie depicting someone driving drunk doesn’t mean I’m going to decide to go out and do it myself. I’m an adult and I know the difference between make-believe and real life, between right and wrong. Video games made for adults are no different. If you’re offended by the content then don’t watch the movie or play the video game.

My husband is one of the sweetest, most level-headed, gentle and responsible people I know. Trust me, I have no worries that after playing GTA4 that he’s going to somehow suddenly decide to become a gangster and start driving drunk. He’s not. He’s going to keep working at Microsoft making video games, and being the wonderful husband (and soon to be father) that I know him to be. And when kiddos finally grace our household, games like GTA4 won’t be anywhere to be found.

To familiarize yourself with game ratings, please visit the ERSB website. If you read the descriptions GTA4 is appropriately rated as M. Descriptions of movie ratings can be found on the Motion Picture Association of America website.

This entry also posted with the Seattle PI. Copyright © 2008 Susan Metters. All rights reserved.
_______________________________________________________
In addition to being a writer and aspiring mom, Susan Metters also carries the distinguished title of Cancer Survivor Extraordinaire. Some of her secret ambitions include meeting Dr. Phil, hosting Saturday Night Live, and rising to the top as a rock star. You can read more about Susan’s life adventures by visiting her blog with the Seattle P.I., Lemon Margaritas. If you have ideas, questions, rants, or ramblings feel free to email Susan at susan [at] seattlemomblogs [dot] com.

As part one of my Essential Advice for New Bloggers series we’re talking about branding.  Last week we covered the importance of  picking the right name for your blog.  This week we’ll cover another critical component; your blog’s appearance.  Here’s why looks matter.

First impressions are largely based on appearances
When a reader comes to a blog for the first time, that person makes a judgment about the blog’s relative success, professionalism, and relevance before they read a single word.  Before they even realize it, a reader’s judgment is influenced by what the blog looks like.

A customized appearance is always better than looking like everyone else 
At the most basic level, let’s talk about the decision to give your blog its own custom appearance vs. using the  standard free template that is provided by Wordpress, Blogger, or Typepad.

The customized blog stands out as;

• Unique. One of the basic tenets of branding is uniqueness; proving to the reader that your blog is special and different and something that they cannot live without.  Start building the picture of uniqueness with how your blog looks.  It’s hard to sell yourself as wildly different when your blog looks just like 5,000 others.
• Serious.  Blogs appear and disappear with the wind.  A blogger who has taken the time to customize her blog stands out as someone who is committed and serious about blogging.
• Professional.  Every major blogger has their own design.  I cannot think of a single exception to this rule. The design may not be particularly flashy, but it is their own. 

No matter how amazing your blog’s content, if you host it on a default template, you will be beating your head against a brick wall to be taken seriously.

Visual design tells your story without you having to write a single word
Visual design is an amazing thing.  It impacts the feeling that people get when they come to your blog (peaceful, excited, energized, professional, welcome…) and it impacts the story that you’re telling about who you are and what your blog is about. 

So what do you do?  Basics of blog design for the non-designer
So looks do matter, but what do you do about it? Let’s move on to some basic principles for designing your blog.  Visual design is an art, a science, and something that you can spend four+ years in college learning about. So I’m not even going to pretend to cover everything.  What I am going to talk about here is the most basic of basics.

Here’s a secret that I’ve figured out.  You don’t have to have amazing web skills or a huge design budget to reap the benefits of a customized layout.  Start with a free template and make a few select changes to it in order to make the design your own.

1) Customize the header. 
This is the most basic, and most important, of all the guidelines.  The header is your magazine cover, your logo, your outfit.  It says who you are and what you’re about like nothing else. 

“Sure, but I don’t know HOW to customize it!”

Never fear.  Here are some beginner moves that you can use to create a basic customized header.

1. Write your blog title in a funky font.
2. Use your own image or a piece of stock imagery to jazz up your header. (I prefer Snap Village or istockphoto for dirt-cheap (like $1!) but high-quality photography and illustration)

A simple combination of the above two techniques will give you a workable header. Remember, it doesn’t have to be a work of art.  It just needs to be unique and to communicate what your blog is about.

(You can always hire a fancy designer after you make your first $100k.)

Here are a couple of resources to help you build your own custom header:
How to make a blog header in Photoshop (Associated Content)
I want to make my own banner/button; where do I start?
How do I place my own banner on my blog? (great step-by-step instructions!)

If you don’t mind spending a little bit of money, there are a whole lot of people out there who design blog headers for reasonable fees.  Businesses Run by Humans is a great starting place for finding someone. Or, look around on your favorite blogs for design credits… often they’ll link to the person or company that did their design.  If not, email them and ask!

2) Customize the colors and fonts
Don’t go crazy here, as too many colors and fonts look unprofessional.  But starting with a basic template and then changing the default colors and fonts will go a long ways towards making your blog unique.

3) Consistency is key.
In branding, consistency is really important. Think of the major brands out there, and you’ll notice that they set a tone for what to expect.  Walk into a Target store and you know you’re in Target. Their logo stays the same, the colors, the layout of the store…

Building a brand for your blog is no different.  It’s good if your readers get to know you, internalize your brand, and feel comfortable on your blog.  The reality is that we are creatures of habit.  We don’t like change. Change your brand too often and you’ll start to hear from your readers that they don’t like it!

Once you have a look, stick with it.  Be cautious about changing your look and feel too often.  If you do want to get funky or seasonal, pick one or two aspects of your design that you will change, and keep everything else constant.  An example of how to do this is to change the COLOR of the font in your header, but keep the font itself (and everything around it) the same.

4) Minimize visual clutter
Every button, graphic, link, and flashy-moving thing that you add to your blog should have a purpose.  Avoid the temptation to put things on your blog just because you can.  Think of it this way: everything you add to your blog competes for your readers’ attention with something else.

That sassy award graphic you just added might pull your readers’ attention away from your list of latest posts.  Think about what you really want your readers to focus on, and take the rest of the stuff off.  As you get more and more clutter, consider whether you can move it to separate pages. For example, I’ve put all my award bling onto its own page so that it doesn’t distract from my main page.

Other good design resources:
Important elements of blog design and layout (some really great tips here)
Is there any free software I can use to make my own graphics, buttons, and banner?
How color affects your blog (interesting!)

Now it’s your turn to weigh in… what visual design guidelines do you think are important for bloggers? 

See all 5 essential pieces of advice for new bloggers

© Jenny Blackburn. All Rights Reserved.

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Catch more of Jenny Blackburn’s humorous anecdotes on being a mom, a woman, and a whole lot crazy at Absolutely Bananas. If you have questions, anecdotes, or topics for “On Blogging,” email jenny[@]seattlemomblogs[dot]com.

We sent out an email to SMB members but here’s a little shout out for the Green Power Baby Shower Expo going on tomorrow morning at the Seattle Sheraton. If you’re expecting or even expect to be expecting and you want to get ideas on how to be more green with your babies, head down and join us at the exhibits. There will be prizes and tons of information on products and services for your green little Martian babies. (or was it some OTHER kind of green?)

Well, I apologize for the roundup being so late on a Friday. Gee, I must have chickens at my house or something…

Well, first of all, I am jealous. Maui? Making your own coconut bra? Lucky!

Anyone else ever have a kid get naked at Barnes and Noble? Vintage Dutch Girl has. Cute site design too.

Strange things are happening at Denise’s place. And she’s not really sure what she should or should not blog about her teenage son.

There was a birthday in Cheesetown this week: Max is 2!  Yay!

Well, that about does it, have a good blogging week and we’ll see ya back here on Friday.

Here’s my hot tip for the weekend… There’s a new indoor play place opening on Greenwood, and it’s Grand Opening is this Saturday. Which should be perfectly timed since it’s supposed to RAIN all day (argh!)

According to the website, Playmatters offers children age five and under a place to play in a fun, clean, and safe environment, while adults can chat and network with other adults.

And, this Saturday as part of their Grand Opening event, they’re offering free admission all day (10:30am to 6pm).

For more details check out the website at www.playmattersseattle.com. And, if you go, be sure to come back here and leave a comment with thumbs up/thumbs down.