Seattle Mom Blogs

The first time I ever pondered the idea of letting one of my kids stay home alone…I nearly drove myself crazy with worry.  What if they burn the house down?  What if they hurt themselves?  What if they open the door to a stranger?  What if ?  What if?  What if?

So many what ifs!

My older children are both boys, with two completely different personalities.  One is fearless, the other is cautious.  One is adventurous, the other is less so.  One is a risk taker, the other is a rule follower.  They are both smart, sweet and caring – but one was definitely more ready than the other (based on personality alone) to tackle the job of being home without a parent.

I remember babysitting in the 5th and 6th grade…so I can’t understand why it was so hard for me to go through this milestone with my oldest.  Clearly, he was ready.  Heck, the kid could construct a water tight dwelling out of sticks and leaves in the middle of a field and cook his own macaroni and cheese – surely being home alone was not that big of a deal!  But still, it was hard (on me).   So, we took it step by step.

First, I would run down to the market (about a mile from our house) to pick up some milk or run to the post office to buy stamps – something that would not take more than 15 minutes to complete.  I learned right away that no, leaving him in charge of his brother and sister, was not going to be an option – so I would take the the other two with me.  And, just as I thought, that worked fine.  After doing this for a few months, we moved onto larger stretches of time.  Eventually, I could go to the grocery store without worrying and pulling my hair out thinking about whether or not he was going to be okay.  He proved himself every single time, and it was going well.  Now, since he gets out of school a full hour and a half before his brother does, if I’m out running errands and don’t make it home by the time he does, he will call me on my cell.  Right on the dot.  The phone will ring, I look down to see it’s coming from “HOME,” and I tell him when to expect me, see if he’s okay, ask him how his day was and basically make sure all is well.

This is what is working for us, right now.

My 5th grader still doesn’t want to be left home alone, and that’s fine.  He still takes the dog into the garage with him for Pete’s sake, so we’ll let him tell us when he’s ready.  But I think the main thing to remember, when thinking about leaving your kids home alone for the first time, is that each child is different.

It’s important to go over your “house” rules, talk about what they would do in different scenarios (for example, what to say when they answer the phone – a good thing to say if a caller asks for a parent who isn’t home is “she can’t come to the phone right now, can I take a message?”), and go over your expectations while listening to any concerns they might have about being home alone.  You will most likely be able to tell when it’s the right time by the clues your child gives you.  Listen to them, trust your instincts, and most of all – let them try by attempting small trips – or even by taking a walk around the neighborhood (your cell phone at the ready) while they stay home and “mind the fort,” so to speak.

They might surprise you.  They might be ready and they might not – either is okay.

But once they are ready, you can do a big ‘ol happy dance because that is one less person following you around the grocery store asking for bubble gum!

Carrie Blankenship is the author of the blog Stop Screaming I’m Driving, where she attempts to tell her story of motherhood. She likes long walks in the park, dancing in the rain, and can be bribed to do just about anyting with a vanilla latte, extra foam. Contact her with column suggestions or just say “hi” at carrieb[at]seattlemomblogs.com. Or, blankenship.carrie[at]yahoo.com.

Long before I started having children of my own to expose me to the wonderful world of kids music (think Barney here, and don’t run for the hills screaming and holding your head), I was really into music. I blame the great folks of Sesame Street for drilling that “sugar beet” song into my head and other catchy tunes. I remember spending countless hours huddled over my record player, lining up the needle just right to hear my favorite song again and again. And then came the musical “Annie,” which I completely and utterly lost my mind to. My grandparents took me to Seattle to see the live show. I wandered up to the orchestra pit and peered over the edge…finding out where all that music really came from. I hoped, deep down inside, that because I too had red hair, that people would mistake me for the actress in the movie and ask for my autograph…

Well, that never happened.

But, a love for live performance was born. It went nicely with my love of music and to this day I never turn down the offer to see a great band, singer or live show.

Seems I’m passing this along to my kids, which, despite my inability to help them with their math homework, makes me feel like I’m not messing up too bad in the parenting department, on a good day.

Well, let me tell you – not all childrens music is created equal. Not to sound negative, but I’ve had about all the Wiggles, Barney and Chipmunks that I can take – even on a really, really good day. And I struggle to find childrens music that we can all enjoy and appreciate (without the whole bleeding ears thing going on). It isn’t easy. But when I heard The Imagination Movers for the first time, I thought hey, these guys aren’t too shabby.  When their show held my daughter’s attention for more than 2 minutes so I could actually take a shower alone, I was ready to pledge my undying love to each one of those men in the blue suits on the Disney Channel. No kidding.

And now, after talking to Rich Collins, proud “mover” and father of five (yes five) on the phone, my status in my daughter’s eyes has risen to an all time high. I fear the day when I’ll have to top it because I know that day probably doesn’t exist. I’ve never spoken to a real, live childrens programming celebrity before and I didn’t know what to expect. Turns out I had nothing to worry about. Rich was polite, funny, smart and hey – he likes music even more than I do! He told me the story about how he and the other “movers” got started – they were all friends who enjoyed messing around with and listening to music and found themselves at that place where kids start happening and life starts happening (you know, when you’re done with your 20’s) and their group and concept was born. He told me how they had their first “musical performance” at a friend’s wedding shower, where they sang their own version of “Jack and Diane,” which immediately brought me back to a moment in my own childhood when my mom wouldn’t let me listen to that song because of the whole “got his hands between her knees” lyric.  But I didn’t mention that to Rich.

I asked what kind of movers the Imagination Movers were, because Katie really wanted to know.

“We move our minds, using our imaginations to solve problems,” Rich said, “encouraging kids to think, move around and figure things out.”

What other response would you expect from a father of five that tells Warehouse Mouse stories to his 3 year old daughter Sophie on a nightly basis?

The Movers music stems from a variety of genres and Rich explained how each member, Scott, Dave, and Smitty, contribute to the groups songs.  “We are just normal guys who love music,” he stated.  But “normal” is hardly what the Movers are.  When you listen to their latest cd, “For Those About to Hop,” you notice right away that this isn’t just any old kids music and these aren’t just your run-of-the-mill childrens performers.  The fresh beats and funky rhythms jump out from songs that are just the right length for kids, not too long and not too short.  Perfect dancing around the kitchen music, if you ask me.  I was a bit skeptical that they wouldn’t live up to the description that they draw some influence from bands like the Beastie Boys and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, but I was more than surprised.  This is music that we can all listen to, move around to, and even groove to in the car – which is where a lot of our time is spent.

The Imagination Movers are coming to Seattle on December 12th.  They are playing 2 shows at The Moore – click HERE for details and ticket pricing information.

And this is your lucky day!  I have generously been given 5 cds to giveaway.  The lucky winners will receive a copy of the Imagination Movers latest (and most awesome) release, “For Those About to Hop,” which will both thrill and delight any young fans you may have in your home and would make a terrific stocking stuffer.  Just leave a comment here and the winners will be randomly chosen by 12pm, Pacific time, December 12th – just in time to see the show.  Please either include your contact information (ie a working email address) in your comment or make sure it’s accessible via your profile.

Carrie Blankenship can be found most days wading through motherhood, fueld by vanilla lattes with extra foam, at her blog Stop Screaming I’m Driving.  She can also be found dancing around with her kindergartner at the Imagination Movers  concert this Saturday, December 12th.

Ryan Molenkamp and nephew McRae

Of course I wouldn’t be saying this strictly because one of the artists just so happens to be my super talented brother, Ryan Molenkamp.  Oh, who am I fooling?  Of course I am.  Well, at least a little bit.

Wednesday night the husband, the kids, and I got a sneek peek at Vermillion’s upcoming show titled “We Built This to Leave,” which includes work from three amazing artists - Trevor Johnson, Sharon Arnold and Ryan Molenkamp.  Located in the bustling neighborhood of Capitol Hill, Vermillion is easy to find and accessible, even for country bumpkins like myself.  In fact, it was so accessible that my kids had a hard time prying themselves away from the gallery, the peole, and most especially, the street poles covered in advertising, which they found supremely interesting.  Wyatt will tell you that he also really liked the pay phone booth with the missing phone!  And McRae enjoyed the window plastered in Van’s stickers – he thought that was the coolest thing…well, besides the art hanging inside the gallery.  Katie will tell you she enjoyed the Pellegrino, which she guzzled like a sailor on shore leave.

Back to the art.

The gallery describes the work as:

“This show speaks to the obsessive creator in all of us. From our youngest memory of playing with blocks to the daily compartmentalization of our lives we are always building, organizing, and making something new. Each artist in this show explores what we are all so busy building, why we are compelled to do so, how those creations impact the environment, and what becomes of the left over materials.”

While standing there gawking looking at Trevor’s “cloud” installation, a mighty form you can see protruding as if from the wall itself upon entering the space, I knew this was the perfect show to bring the kids to.  Any parent who has ever purchased their child anything larger than a matchbox car will tell you that toys, among other things we consume like televisions and computers and leaf blowers, come with a ridiculous amount of packaging.  I have found my living room, on more than one Christmas morning, mostly unrecognizable under all the styrofoam that encased their gifts.  I have also, on more than one Christmas morning, advised my kids that yes, they could play with the styrofoam for 1 or 2 days…but no more because my goodness it makes a lot of little styrofoam babies in the form of tiny pieces all over the house!  And then off to the recycler we go…until the next birthday or holiday.  And this tradition repeats itself over and over again until by the time my children have reached the age of twenty, I hate to think of all the packaging that has made it’s way to a landfill simply because of my 3 kids.

Trevor gets that.  He gets the packaging and consumption part, and he gets the kid part.  His pieces are moving and whimsical, but they also have a message.  And my kids loved them!  Although I stood like a hawk over them to make sure they did not touch the artwork, viewing the pieces was something we all enjoyed.

Speaking of not touching the artwork…Sharon Arnold blew that all to pieces.  And I mean that in the nicest possible way.  Since we were there for a “sneek peek,” the gallery was not too crowded, which was nice.  When Sharon approached my kids and asked them if they “wanted to touch her artwork” I nearly fainted.  Touch the artwork?  Are you kidding?  But an assured smile and nod from her and the next thing I knew she had my daughter’s hand and was leading her, with the boys following, over to one of her pieces, a fascinating and familiar installation that looked like toilet paper rolls…except much prettier.

Sharon’s pieces are a feat in meticulousness, you can tell that by looking at them.  When I asked her how long it took to create each individual roll for her most fascinating (in my opinion) installation, she said “30 to 40 hours per roll.”  If memory serves me right, and you never know about that these days, there were twelve rolls comprising the piece.  That, in itself,  blows me away.  Her pieces all evoke some sort of mischief in my inner child.  The temptation to pull on those rolls, like a toddler left unattended in the bathroom while mommy paints her toenails, is powerful.  And that is just what she asked my kids to do!  “Go ahead,” she urged them, “Give it a yank.  A good pull.”  They looked at her.  They looked at me.  I nodded and away they went, silly, giddy smiles on their faces – amazed at what they were actually doing.

Sharon Arnold sharing her work with children

And this, is what art is all about.

I’m not certain if everyone will be invited to pull on Sharon’s pieces, but it sure was a cool experience for my kids and they’ll never forget it.

As for Ryan’s work, I’m really at a loss as to what to say without sounding biased since he is my one and only brother (whom I teased unrelentingly in our childhood and will forever be apologizing for that- and I will always thank him for letting me tie his wagon to the back of my Big Wheel and tow him around our patio with impressive speed…without a single injury – I’m sure these experiences translate themselves into his painting in some way or another), but his work is so interesting it hurts.  I’ve watched his talent grow and grow and grow and only get stronger with each piece he unveils.  They are small, they are large, they are in the middle too – in size.  They are intricate, they are surprising, they are unique – in form.  When I ask him if a certain painting is of a landscape from our hometown he answers, “It could be,” with his trademark raised eyebrow (a trait only the males in our bloodline inherit).  His pieces have a message too.  They speak about the impact of people on the environment with their contrasts of the man-made and the…not.  The urban sprawl and the way it makes it’s mark upon the landscape are familiar themes that run through many of his pieces.  But what I think I love most about his work is that it is unlike any I’ve ever seen, and he doesn’t argue with you if you say you see a floating lily pad (even if it is not, indeed, a floating lily pad at all and you were just saying that to see what his reaction was).

Ryan’s work is grand and it is intelligent.  My favorite pieces are those with a lot of color, but the black and whites hold just as much impact.  And I could be completely swayed because we share the same DNA, but I think this is his best show to date, even though he wouldn’t invite you to touch his artwork, like his lovely co-artist would.

All in all, “We Built This to Leave” is an eclectic blend of 3 different viewpoints on basically the same thing, our world.  The show is a great one to bring kids to as it can spark not only their creative spirit, which seems to remain right beneath if not plastered all over the surfaces of our children, but a good conversation about how humans affect the environment.  The show opens tonight, November 6th, and runs through November 29th.

Carrie Blankenship is the author of the blog Stop Screaming I’m Driving, where she attempts to tell her story of motherhood, as only she can.  She likes long walks in the park, dancing in the rain, and can be bribed to do just about anyting for a vanilla latte, extra foam.  Contact her with column suggestions or just say “hi” at carrieb[at]seattlemomblogs.com.  Or, blankenship.carrie[at]yahoo.com.

By now, we (and I think I can speak for many) are sick, sick, sick and tired of hearing the phrase “economic downturn.”  In fact, I read in Newsweek (I believe) that the phrase alone had been used something like 2,500 times in print journalism since the new year.  Enough to drive a person crazy, right?  Right!  And like I’ve said to my dad on several occasions, if people only listen to the bad news about the economy in our country, the entire population will be dependent on anti-depressants (not that there is anything wrong with using them if one needs to) by the end of 2009.

In short, it is depressing.  Even for a “glass half full” kind of girl like me.

But am I going to let that stop my family from having a super summer?  No way!

Instead of wallowing in the recession, we are going to amp it up this summer using a little thing called…our imaginations.  You heard it right here folks, our imaginations!  Funny that something which is a big part of what separates us from the apes (I hope) is the one thing that can get us through these stressful, jaw-clenching, nerve-wracking months of economic uncertainty.  Better yet even?  It is one hundred percent, without a doubt, completely free.  Yes, free.  Four letters pieced together to form a word that is pleasing to everyone.  Like peace and love and baby.  And mama.

There are a ton of cheap, easy and most of all, fun things to do with your families this summer and here are just a few ideas:

• Check out the free summer concerts at the local parks.  Simply log onto your areas parks and recreation websites and check out the free activities they have lined up for the summer.  Most of them have family-friendly concerts, crafts and even activities to entertain kids of all ages.
• Expand your horizons.  Head to the mountains and hike one of the numerous marked trails with your kids.  Favorites of ours include The Iron Goat Trail, Wallace Falls and Big Four Ice Caves.
• Bring the inside OUT.  While camping over Memorial Day Weekend, we did something we had never done before.  We brought our dinky little camping TV outside and watched a movie sitting in our camping chairs, huddled under several blanketed layers and noshing on popcorn just like at the movie theater…except under the stars, and free, and really, really a lot cooler than sitting in a movie theater.
• Ride the ferries.  Yes, you may need to save a few pennies for these trips, but much less if you are a “walk on” passenger vs. taking a car on board.  Ride the ferry to the other side, and spend the day on foot, exploring the local scene on the other side of the water.  Pack a picnic, take your time.
• Day camps.  Instead of sending their children to expensive over-night camps, many parents are choosing from the variety of day camps offered by their local school districts and communities.  These programs are a blessing and provide just the distraction both parents and children are looking for to break up the monotony of those endless summer days.
• The festivals!  Summer is the time for festivals in nearly every city around The Sound.  Find out which ones are close to home and head on over.  Parades are free, fun and the kids will undoubtedly love all the free candy thrown their way.  It’s a win-win situation.
• Don’t forget the beaches.  Our area is lucky to have a variety of beaches for just about every type of person.  We have ocean beaches, with miles of smooth sand in every direction (perfect for wave jumping!).  We have rock beaches with tide pools teeming with aquatic life and we have lakes, providing a non-salt water option.
• Lastly, the zoo.  Having a membership to The Woodland Park Zoo is the best value for a family, no matter what the economy is doing.  If a family of five visits the zoo only twice in a year, they would have paid for a membership.  Seems pretty simple to me.  Additionally, when you have a membership, you don’t feel pressured or obligated to see every single exhibit every single time you go.  You can take more time at your favorite stops and really observe the animals (or the people, whatever floats your boat) without feeling like you need to “get your money’s worth.”  Zoo membership = freedom.

But most of all…enjoy.  With a little resourcefulness, a little creative thinking, and a lot of imagination, this could be your family’s best summer ever!

Carrie can be found pulling her hair out on her personal blog Stop Screaming I’m Driving! She takes offers of free babysitting and lattes very seriously.  You can reach her at carrieb[at]seattlemomblogs.com or blankenship.carrie[at]yahoo.com.   She will also be appearing as a guest on “The Conversation,” airing on local NPR radio KUOW 94.9 on June 23rd between 12:20 – 12:40 PST talking about how to have a fun summer…despite the “economic downturn.”

But we all know that these things do not exist. At least not yet. And so we read and we talk. We communicate with other parents and we pay attention to educators. We learn and we share.

Somewhere in between all of that, we are able (hopefully) to fill our parenting tool boxes with the necessary items (tricks, bribes, threats) that will help us parent our children the way we think is best without inflicting too much harm on them or society at large. We cross our fingers a million times and pray that we’re doing the right thing before calling it a day and collapsing on a bed not made entirely of mommy guilt and worry only to awake rested just enough to get up the next day and do it all over again.

Sound familiar?

However, as much as I like to think I’m one step ahead of the game, I’m not. And there is nothing like asking and reminding and reminding again my 10 year old to please not leave his backpack on the bench in the living room for the one millionth time to bring me right back to reality. A parenting reality I’d rather not face because it suggests, rather, SHOUTS, “Hey lady, yer doing’ it wrong!”

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had this, and similar other, conversation with my child. He is 10 YEARS OLD for goodness sakes! He should understand that we have a routine, we have a system, we have a plan. One which has not changed in the many years he’s been coming home with a backpack. A simple, easy to follow routine which consists of the following:

1. Come home from school.
2. Say “Hi mom, I’m home.”
3. Take off backpack and empty important papers into mom’s hands and/or on her desk.
4. HANG backpack up on one of the 6 hooks in the laundry room placed there specifically for this purpose (ok, who knows why those hooks were placed here, as the previous owner put them up, but they’re there, either way, and that’s what we use them for).

Instead, this is what happens:

1. Come home from school.
2. Throw backpack on bench.
3. Run past mom to see what brother is up to.
4. Hit the pantry, gotta have a snack.
5. Leave it there for days, perhaps with a lunchbox inside which needed to be emptied but who cares? There is a new episode of Sponge Bob that needs to be watched!

Admittedly, my tools are all gone. I have tried and tried and tried and just short of taking away his backpack until he can get the hang of things (no pun intended), which would border on child abuse, I am left empty-handed, not a trick in sight.

So I guess I’ll have to resort to something else. I’ll have to take away Sponge Bob or something he cares about for x amount of days until he breaks the bad habit.

And then, I’ll work with him on the concept of getting the dirty socks into the hamper. His future wife will thank me for that.

Carrie can be found most days at Stop Screaming I’m Driving where she chronicles her life as mother to three active children, wife of one busy fire fighter, constant doer of laundry, and picker upper of Legos. She takes offers of free babysitting and bribes of lattes (vanilla, extra foam) very seriously. Feel free to reach her at carrieb[at]seattlemomblogs[dot]com.

Unfortunately I don’t have that pregnant belly to blame for my lack of equilibrium these days…

Anyway, if you’re a Northwest parent not experiencing a bit of cabin fever, this post is not for you!  This post is for those of you who have a little or a lot of snow and don’t know what to do about it.  Rather, don’t know how you’re going to make it until 2009 with children starting winter breaks early and Starbucks closing much earlier than they are supposed to.  The nerve.

I am so not kidding.  I ventured out this evening to stock up on my holiday appetizer supplies before another big freeze and 2 of the 4 Starbucks in my town were closed!  I don’t know about the other two stores, maybe they were open, but I wasn’t going to put my family in danger to find out…not even for a gingerbread latte.

So if you’re like me, latteless, frazzled, feeling cooped up and getting a generous dose of children, maybe these tips will be helpful.  Maybe not, but you can’t say I didn’t try.

A Mom’s Guide to Surviving the Winter Weather:

• Yes, it’s cold outside.  Tip #1 involves a little work on your part which will reap great rewards later.  It involves doing laundry.  That’s right, laundry.  Make sure your dryer is empty while the kiddos are out playing in the snow.  That way, when they come in, you can incorporate what I like to call the “peel and dump” system.  Each child peels off his/her snow clothing and dumps it into the empty dryer.  After all children have done this, press start and dry the snow clothes.  Ta-da!  Warm, cozy and, most importantly, dry clothes to put back on after a break inside!
• Tip #2 is to actually go out in the snow with your kids, at least twice a day.  I know, I know, it is much easier to watch them with your hands wrapped around a mug of vodka hot cider from the living room window.  But if you go outside, move around a bit, breathe the crisp air, you will feel much better.  You might even get a tiny dose of Vitamin D from the sliver of sunlight coming through the snow clouds.
• Tip #3 involves games, any kind of games.  Put your patient hat on and play some games with your children.  You have nowhere to go and nothing to do anyway, so why not take advantage of this down time and engage with you kids.  I don’t care if you’re playing Guitar Hero or Scrabble, the point is to play.  Have fun.
• Tip #4 is to relax.  Yes, there are very few days left before Christmas.  Yes, you probably did not check everything off your “to do” list before the snow storm hit, it’s okay.  Give yourself a break – you have the perfect excuse to not overdo it this year, besides the horrible economy.
• Tip #5:  snuggle.  Give extra hugs to your kids and, if you can stand it, your spouse.  What you will get back in return will surprise you.
• Tip #6 is to walk.  Don’t just stay confined to your yard or neighborhood.  Take this opportunity to walk further (but be safe about it) around your neighborhood than you normally do.  Talk to neighbors (as long as they aren’t crazy) you might not get the opportunity to talk to during the rest of the year because of your busy schedule.  Say hello to passersby.  Smile a little extra.  Take the kids with you and show them that you are all a part of the larger community.
• Tip #7 is to give.  People spend a lot of time and effort tracking down the perfect charity to give to. Why not take this opportunity to give as locally as you can?  Locate the giving tree in your nearest supermarket, ask store owners if they have a local charity they give to, call your local food bank and ask them what kinds of foods they need the most.  Give what you can, it’ll make you feel good.
• Tip #8 is to be prepared.  If you must travel, make sure you have plenty of supplies in case you get stuck on 1-90 somewhere between Seattle and Spokane.  Never mind, I hear most of the streets are closed in Spokane, so I’d avoid going there all together.  But in the off chance that your grandmother lives there and you cannot avoid it, bring water, snacks, blankets, boots, outerwear, hats, traction helpers (like sand of kitty litter) for your tires should you get stuck, a shovel, flashlight and anything else you can fit in your car with you.  You can never prepare too much and a very wise person once said, “An ounce of preparation is worth it’s weight in gold.”  Believe it.
• Speaking of believe, tip #9 is to do just that.  Believe.  This time of year is a magical time whether you are celebrating the religious significance of the season or just celebrating your own way.  It all counts.  Take the time to tell the stories, make the cookies, decorate the house and make the wishes, for this is really what it is all about.  Whatever your family’s traditions are, do them.  Celebrate your blessings and look forward to a new year . . . hopefully with a little less rock salt and a little more Starbucks (it is the Northwest, coffee capitol, USA).

And if these tips don’t work, there’s always schnapps cocoa!  But most of all, know that you are not alone, we are all in this parenting boat together!  Happy Holidays!

Carrie can be found most days at Stop Screaming I’m Driving where she chronicles her life as mother to three active children, wife of one busy fire fighter, constant doer of laundry, and picker upper of Legos. She takes offers of free babysitting and bribes of lattes (vanilla, extra foam) very seriously. Feel free to reach her at carrieb[at]seattlemomblogs[dot]com.

I’ve never had an identifiable eating disorder, although I’ve wished for one on many occasion. I even considered just how much weight I could lose if I did, wondering if you can catch an eating disorder from watching too much Project Runway or the new 90210 as I took another bite of Chunky Monkey.  If I’m lucky enough to catch a stomach virus that my kids have brought home from school, my first thought is not “I hope I get over this soon,” it is “I wonder how much weight I can lose from getting sick?”

Houston, we have a problem.

My story is typical.  I am not unlike most of the female population in that I don’t know if I’ll ever feel comfortable in my skin.  The only moments when I praise my size are in retrospect, when I look at my image in photographs that are many years old and I wonder why it was that I thought I was so horribly overweight?  I know this about myself and that is why I so desperately want to avoid passing this on to my children, especially my daughter.

Seattle-area girls are not immune to the national epidemic of not loving their bodies either.  According to  “Real Girls, Real Pressure:  A National Report on the State of Self-Esteem:”

• Two thirds of girls (67%) in Seattle believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school and relationships with friends and family members
• 62% of teen girls in Seattle reported engaging in negative activities, such as disordered eating, cutting, bullying,smoking, or drinking, when feeling badly about themselves
• The self-esteem tipping point happens during the transition to teenage years, resulting in loss of trust and communication with adults
• Parents’ words and actions play a pivotal role in fostering positive self-esteem in girls:  The top wish among girls in Seattle is for their parents to communicate better with them, which includes more frequent and more open conversations, as well as discussions about what is happening in their own lives.

There you have it.  Now, what do we do about it?  For the past several years, I’ve seen the commercials, I’ve seen the ads in magazines, and read about the amazing, empowering and important work of the Dove Self-Esteem Project and The Campaign for Real Beauty.  Thankfully, this group has been gaining momentum, doing outreach for girls all over the country and conducting self-esteem workshops for women nation wide (there is one coming up December 16th, in Seattle, click here for a link to more details).

They’ve released yet another eye-opening video about the state of our girls – remember the one about beauty?  Take a peek by clicking HERE – it will take you to the videos.  There are four, including the one where the model morphs from a regular woman into a print ad.  Please watch the video titled “Onslaught.”

We can’t control the media, even though we can influence it if we try hard enough.  We can control how we communicate with our daughters.  We can be better role models and show them how to love themselves, their bodies, no matter what their size.  We can encourage them to be healthy, strong and beautiful all at the same time.  Educating ourselves, attending workshops, and communicating, with the help of companies like Dove, I really believe our daughters will be in a much better place than we ever were.

Carrie can be found most days at Stop Screaming I’m Driving where she chronicles her life as mother to three active children, wife of one busy fire fighter, constant doer of laundry, and picker upper of Legos.  She takes offers of free babysitting and bribes of lattes (vanilla, extra foam) very seriously.  Feel free to reach her at carrieb[at]seattlemomblogs[dot]com.

Head on over to Stop Screaming I’m Driving to enter for a chance to win Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters:  How the Quest for Perfection is Harming Young Women, by Courtney E. Martin.

 

 

* cross – posted at Stop Screaming I’m Driving 

Every morning it is the same old routine around here.  I get up way earlier than I’d really like to, make the excruciating decision between getting my caffeine fix from half a pot of coffee or go the quicker route of grabbing an icy cold Diet Coke from the fridge, and get on with the business of packing lunches for my school-bound children.

Once I read about a mother who organizes her pantry with special bins, each containing a type of food to put in a child’s lunchbox.  I am not that mother.

First, my pantry is much too small for over-sized totes filled only with enough snacky items for a week’s worth of lunches and even if it were – I think I could come up with about a thousand other items (cough, Pepperidge Farm Cookies, cough, cough) to fill my shelves.  Second, I am just not that organized.  Did I mention that I have a small pantry?

Instead, I look in the general area (and I use the term “area” loosely, as sometimes the “areas” of my non-organized pantry blend into one another, making them completely indistinguishable from each other) of the carbohydrate section and decide on a bread with which to make the sandwiches for the day.  White or wheat?  White or wheat?  These are tough decisions.

Then, I rest for a minute and drink my caffeine.

After I am a little more alert, I check the deli drawer for fresh meat and decide whether today will be a turkey and havarti day or a peanut butter and jelly day.  You just never know in my house.  When the sandwiches are made, it is time to check the fruit situation (and no, fruit snacks – even the really, really good ones, don’t count).

This could go one of two ways.  Either a fresh fruit item, like a banana or cut up apple, will make its way to the lunchboxes or something resembling real fruit, like a fruit cup, will be the choice of the day.  I know, it is a highly complex form of decision making that only the inside of my head can determine and is greatly influenced by how quickly that aforementioned caffeine has made its way into my bloodstream.

On to the “extras” part of the lunch building task – and this is even more complex, don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Granola bars, fruit leathers, crackers, popcorn, nuts, pretzels . . . how does one choose?   I like to close my eyes and grab the first two items that my hand lands on.

I told you it was complex.

After adding a dairy item, like yogurt or a string cheese, the lunches are almost complete. . .

Drinks!

I forgot drinks!  I race down to the refrigerator in the garage, where we keep all the beverages.  I make yet another difficult choice between water, apple juice or the sports drink du jour – in today’s case, Gatorade, which is an excellent choice as long as my sons do not suck their entire mouths into the spout while drinking it thus giving themselves a semi-permanent blue stain around their lips for the remainder of the school day.  This is especially fun when it is picture day.

Add a napkin, a cold pack and zip it up.  Voila!  Lunch is done, and it only took me 10 minutes!  10 minutes that I could have spent sleeping, but there are no lengths to a mother’s love and the need to pack a nutritious lunch for her offspring, each and every day.

Now, let’s just hope they eat what I packed and do not trade their entire lunch for one Ding Dong.

What are your time saving tips for packing lunches for school-aged children?  Do you have a system, or do you just wing it like I do?  I’d love to hear your strategy!  And if you’re the mother with the bins, I don’t even want to hear about it, okay?   (said with a smile because secretly I’m totally jealous of those bins)

Carrie can be found hanging out at her personal blog Stop Screaming I’m Driving! where she is kept busy wrangling three kids, one goofy Aussie, and her very own firefighter. She can be bribed with lattes and offers to do her laundry. Please send column suggestions to carrieb at seattle mom blogs dot com.

“Mom, mom, I really want a cell phone!”

 ”But you don’t even talk on the regular phone, why do you need a cell phone?”

 ”I just do . . . everyone has a cell phone.”

 ”Well, we’re not everyone.”

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve had this conversation with my 11 year-old son, well, you know how rich I would be.

It’s not that I don’t understand his want to have a beloved cell phone, one he can hang from his backpack and download the coolest games onto. A phone he can text his friends with on his way to school, one he can customize with his very own ring tone.

But are these reasons to give a kid a cell phone?

Until now, we have been strictly anti-cell phone for kids in our family.  I, myself, really try to only use my cell phone when it is absolutely necessary.  Although I occasionally break that rule, my friends can attest to the fact that I hardly even answer the thing.  But this isn’t about me.

With the recent additions of middle school and more responsibility for our children, my husband and I have decided that the time has come to get the kids a cell phone.

Gasp!

A cell phone. For our kids? Are we crazy? Now, hear me out. We call this cell phone the “family phone.” And it is just that. it does not belong to either of the boys and it certainly does not belong to our 4 year-old daughter (she does just fine with her sparkly Cinderella phone, the one that she can call her fairy godmother on). We added a third line to our existing 2-phone plan and picked out it’s color together (blue). Don’t ask me what the number is for it, because I have no idea.

The plan for this phone is not for our children to rack up hundreds of dollars in text messaging each month or to chit chat with their friends. They are more than welcome to send their friends an email or use the antiquated land line if they so wish. The plan is not for them to bring the phone to school, I think phones are way to distracting in an educational environment and unnecessary – as there are plenty of phones on school grounds and responsible adults to help in an event warranting a call home. The plan is for this phone to be available to them when they need it. Keyword: need.

When our oldest wants to meet his friends at the park, I feel more comfortable sending him if he has a phone. If the boys want to ride their bikes to the store, they take the family phone. If, for any reason, I would need to leave them at soccer practice or taekwondo, or they want to go somewhere with a friend whose parents don’t have a cell phone, they could take the blue family phone.

I know that a cell phone is not a replacement for a parent, believe me, I know. But our older children are old enough to be able to handle the responsibility, along with the freedom, that the phone provides. When I was their age, I was allowed to explore our neighborhood with my friends, answering only to the call of my mother’s whistle when it was time to come home. I want the same for my kids, and I think in this day and age letting them bring a cell phone along is the only way I will feel comfortable sending them out into the big bad world.

Setting guidelines and knowing your child are important in determining if they are ready for a cell phone. Making sure they follow the rules and appropriately use the phone are also important and we’ve only just begun on our journey.

I’m curious, what have others done when it comes to kids and cell phones? At what ages did you allow your children to have one, or share one, or have you decided to not allow them at all? Do the news reports regarding the safety of cell phones on developing minds have any bearing on your decision?

Tell me, what do you think?

Carrie can be found hanging out at her personal blog Stop Screaming I’m Driving!  where she is kept busy wrangling three kids, one goofy Aussie, and her very own firefighter.  She can be bribed with lattes and offers to do her laundry.  Please send column suggestions to carrieb at seattle mom blogs dot com.

Raise your hands if you, like me, are completely befuddled by allowances?

Way back when my kids started doing regular chores (let’s say, around the ages of 5 and 6 for the boys), I figured it was high time to offer them up some kind of incentive for their help around the house.  Even though their “help,” more times than not, involved me re-doing the tasks they were asked to complete when they weren’t looking (wouldn’t want to damage their fragile egos, you know).

I remember thinking about what would be the perfect amount to compensate and finally, my husband and I agreed that $1.00 a week was enough, considering their ages and all. 

Here’s the thing about allowances, they only work if you actually remember to give the incentive you have promised.  I must’ve missed that in my “Allowances for Kids” seminar.  A’hem.

Anyway, a few years passed and the allowance subject came up again, this time during a paticularly difficult period of non-chore doing and downright messiness with the boys.  I had made chore charts.  I had reminders plastered all over the house.  I was driving myself crazy trying to find ways to get them to make their beds and put their dirty clothes in the hamper each morning, let alone brush their own teeth.

Come on.  Brushing one’s teeth should be as natural as breathing . . . not a chore.  Oh, the joys of boys!

So I was willing to give this whole allowance thing a run, yet again, in the hopes of getting a little more chore action from them.  Again, after a few weeks, we all forgot.  But I still made them brush their teeth.

Fast forward to last month.  My boys are now 9 and 11 years old and I decided that since they’ve been fairly successful in completing at least a few basic tasks every day (like making beds, picking up clothes, feeding the dog and yes! occasionally brushing their teeth and breathing all on their own) it was again time to discuss (cough, cough) allowances.

But how much to offer them?  True, when I asked them to unload and load the dishwasher the other day they both looked at me and said, “How do we do that?”

I am cowering in shame here people, how is it that they don’t know how to do this?  How have I managed in eleven years of parenting to overlook providing them with this most important life skill, that of being able to unload and load a dishwasher properly?

No worries, they’ve got it down pat now.  But still, the conundrum remains.  How much to you pay out in allowances each week?  Or should it be a monthly payment?  Payment plan?  PayPal?  What?

Carrie Blankenship is the mother of three (four, if you count her goofy puppy). She writes her way through motherhood at Stop Screaming I’m Driving! She accepts bribes of lattes (especially Starbucks) and offers of free babysitting. If you’re really lucky, she may even do your laundry. She can be contacted at carrieb-at-seattlemomblogs-dot-com.

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