Things have been getting rough lately. Really rough. And I mean really really.
The week before last started out with five meltdowns in two days. Five! In two days! (The kids, of course, not me. Although by the fifth one I swear I nearly had a meltdown myself.) Then we had a couple of good days with some drama and at least one more meltdown sprinkled in. Then we topped the week off with a sibling spat that ended in a split lip, one kid screaming bloody murder, the other one swearing it wasn’t their fault, and two frazzled parents at their wits end.
This past week has been only slightly better. Seems like at least one of the kids has a tantrum or meltdown at least every other day. And the fighting between the two of them is an every day occurrence.
I know what you’re saying. Welcome to parenthood, right? Sigh
My kids are good kids. Really they are. But they are kids with a lot of emotions and feelings inside them that they don’t know what to do with. In their short lives they’ve been through more than a lot of people go through in a lifetime, not to mention that they’ve had very little control over the things they’ve had to deal with. Now they are in yet another new home, with yet another set of grown-ups in charge of their lives. I can’t even imagine what that must feel like.
According to our social worker the fact that the kids are acting out is actually a good sign. She said that means they feel safe enough with us to share their honest emotions. While intellectually I was glad to hear that, the honest truth is that it doesn’t make those meltdowns and tantrums any easier. Emotionally it’s still incredibly draining. I’m exhausted every day.
But never fear, my friends. Reinforcements are on their way. We’ve got an appointment with a family therapist who has specific training and experience working with foster and adoptive families. I talked to her on the phone the other day and she seems to know her stuff. Which is good because we need a pro! Interestingly enough we had planned to get therapy during this transitional period anyway, even before we knew who our kiddos were going to be. We thought it would be a good thing to do to get us off on the right foot and set our family up for success. Little did we know then how necessary it would be!
I have every confidence that the family therapy will be invaluable, but I also know that a large part of this is just a matter of time. Not only are we still getting to know each other (it hasn’t even been 2 months), but I’m certain the kids must be wondering if this is really their forever home. After so many moves is this really the last one? Living with that kind of uncertainty must create incredible anxiety; the kind of anxiety that no reassurances from us can ease. Only time and an adoption decree will be able prove our unconditional love and commitment.
While it’s been really hard, I don’t want to make it sound like it’s all bad all the time. We also have a lot of fun together. In fact, the last three days have been relatively drama-free. That said, I know this is just a brief calm before the next storm. There’s lots of healing to do before things can stabilize. For now we just need to savor the good moments and hang in there and ride out the rest.
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In addition to being a writer and adoptive mom, Susan Metters also carries the distinguished title of Cancer Survivor Extraordinaire. Some of her secret ambitions include meeting Dr. Phil, hosting Saturday Night Live, and rising to the top as a rock star. You can read more about Susans life adventures by visiting her blog with the Seattle P.I., Lemon Margaritas. If you have ideas, questions, rants, or ramblings feel free to email susan [at] seattlemomblogs [dot] com.