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The first time I ever pondered the idea of letting one of my kids stay home alone…I nearly drove myself crazy with worry.  What if they burn the house down?  What if they hurt themselves?  What if they open the door to a stranger?  What if ?  What if?  What if?

So many what ifs!

My older children are both boys, with two completely different personalities.  One is fearless, the other is cautious.  One is adventurous, the other is less so.  One is a risk taker, the other is a rule follower.  They are both smart, sweet and caring – but one was definitely more ready than the other (based on personality alone) to tackle the job of being home without a parent.

I remember babysitting in the 5th and 6th grade…so I can’t understand why it was so hard for me to go through this milestone with my oldest.  Clearly, he was ready.  Heck, the kid could construct a water tight dwelling out of sticks and leaves in the middle of a field and cook his own macaroni and cheese – surely being home alone was not that big of a deal!  But still, it was hard (on me).   So, we took it step by step.

First, I would run down to the market (about a mile from our house) to pick up some milk or run to the post office to buy stamps – something that would not take more than 15 minutes to complete.  I learned right away that no, leaving him in charge of his brother and sister, was not going to be an option – so I would take the the other two with me.  And, just as I thought, that worked fine.  After doing this for a few months, we moved onto larger stretches of time.  Eventually, I could go to the grocery store without worrying and pulling my hair out thinking about whether or not he was going to be okay.  He proved himself every single time, and it was going well.  Now, since he gets out of school a full hour and a half before his brother does, if I’m out running errands and don’t make it home by the time he does, he will call me on my cell.  Right on the dot.  The phone will ring, I look down to see it’s coming from “HOME,” and I tell him when to expect me, see if he’s okay, ask him how his day was and basically make sure all is well.

This is what is working for us, right now.

My 5th grader still doesn’t want to be left home alone, and that’s fine.  He still takes the dog into the garage with him for Pete’s sake, so we’ll let him tell us when he’s ready.  But I think the main thing to remember, when thinking about leaving your kids home alone for the first time, is that each child is different.

It’s important to go over your “house” rules, talk about what they would do in different scenarios (for example, what to say when they answer the phone – a good thing to say if a caller asks for a parent who isn’t home is “she can’t come to the phone right now, can I take a message?”), and go over your expectations while listening to any concerns they might have about being home alone.  You will most likely be able to tell when it’s the right time by the clues your child gives you.  Listen to them, trust your instincts, and most of all – let them try by attempting small trips – or even by taking a walk around the neighborhood (your cell phone at the ready) while they stay home and “mind the fort,” so to speak.

They might surprise you.  They might be ready and they might not – either is okay.

But once they are ready, you can do a big ‘ol happy dance because that is one less person following you around the grocery store asking for bubble gum!

Carrie Blankenship is the author of the blog Stop Screaming I’m Driving, where she attempts to tell her story of motherhood. She likes long walks in the park, dancing in the rain, and can be bribed to do just about anyting with a vanilla latte, extra foam. Contact her with column suggestions or just say “hi” at carrieb[at]seattlemomblogs.com. Or, .