![Homemade Mayo Homemade Mayo](/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/smb-hair.jpg)
I am really not the right person to be writing about anything related to beauty treatments. In fact, how did this happen; Me talking to you now? I don’t exfoliate enough, I don’t use eye cream nightly even though I am in my 30’s (*gasp*), I don’t rid my heels of awful calluses but once in a blue moon, I use cheap body wash and I shave my legs dry with a man’s razor most of the time. After considering all these traits of mine, I wouldn’t blame you if you stopped reading immediately. Actually, I am begging you – just skip to the next article, because, seriously, what I am about to tell you is disturbing. I mean, really, really frightening. This is what happens when you take beauty into your own hands- my own frugal hands.
There is no other way to say it, my hair is SO dry (crowd yells….”HOW DRY IS IT?”)…it’s SO dry that if hair was a plum, mine would be a prune- no wait…not a prune, those are wrinkly and dehydrated, but they are still sorta moist in a weird way. ::Clears throat and takes another stab at it:: my hair walks into a bar – oh forget it, you get the idea. If my hair wasn’t attached to my head it would be a tumbleweed- in every sense of the word. Never is this more apparent than in the dead of winter. I am sure some of you can relate. Plus, I am not nice to my hair. I color it, I highlight it (myself and often), I rub it around in my towel violently after every shower, I put a million and one products in it daily, I flat iron it- on the highest setting (::15 lashes for that one::) and now that I am growing my hair out, I don’t get the split ends cut off often enough. I should preface this by saying that I have been trying to grow my hair out for the last year or so. Maybe more. Before that, I had insanely short hair. I had a fun, funky cut that got me compliments- but it got old. I wanted to be able to do something to it. The nice thing about short hair? You get fresh hair every 2-3 cuts! Like, brand new hair. Hair that has been untouched by humankind. Sparkly DNA- all shiny and soft. Long hair just festers- at least in my case.
So I got serious. I put my hair through moisturizing boot camp and here is what transpired. I tried one treatment a day for 10 days. Here are the results…
Day 1: Homemade Mayonnaise- Don’t judge me- I told you I am frugal. I slapped an egg and some canola oil into the ole Magic Bullet and made it myself. I slathered it on my hair making sure it got all the way to the roots. I then added insult to injury and put a gallon-sized ziplock on my hair to make my head all hot and steamy. I scared my child. Result: It doesn’t stink like you think it might – but in the end, the effort wasn’t worth it. The results were meh. I expected super soft and I got so-so. Advice: Skip this.
Day 2: Tried a new-to-me haircolor (Garnier Nutrisse Nourishing Hair Color) that is supposed to make your hair all, well, nourished and what not. Result: My hair actually did feel pretty good afterwards, but I really find it hard to believe that lathering your hair with chemicals makes is healthier. Advice: Go for it! A new haircolor can freshen things up and make you feel sassy. This one was easy to apply and did not come off on my white towels as much as some others that I have used in the past.
Day 3: My hair was feeling pretty good at this point, so all I did was put some olive oil on the ends, leave it on for about an hour and then washed and styled as normal. Result: Worked really well! My ends were soft and not straw-like at all. Advice: Use the cheap stuff! I used my husband’s special Extra Light, opper schmooper EVOO and he didn’t really- ahem- appreciate that.
Day 4: My hair was feeling dry again, so I had to spring back into action. I headed to the drug store and made a few key purchases. Today, I used the first of 3 elixers- Vo5 Hot Oil Treatment“. OH YEAH BABY! Going Old Skool. Result: It got sudsy. I did not expect this. It bothered me. You are only supposed to leave this on for ONE MINUTE- no longer. I didn’t realize the rules were so strict. I don’t like rules. OK, I do, but only ones I make up. Advice: Take it or leave it- not a star performer, but reasonably priced at $2.50 per treatment.
Day 5: I read this thing online that said that if you run cold water through your hair after you wash and condition it, that will make your hair soft and shiny since it “closes” the hair shaft. Result: I want to tell those people to “Bugger off”. I am not British- I just like to say things like that (as of now apparently) and that is my bloody business, so deal with it. Seriously though, all this treatment will result in is a very harsh end to a nice relaxing warm shower (oh, and your leg hair grows right back immediately!). Advice: Save the cold water for your iced mocha. Wait, those aren’t make with water are they?- oh hell, I don’t drink coffee- what do I know!
Day 6: Back to the serious treatments – Aussie 3-minute miracle DEEEEEP (that’s 5 E’s people) Moisture Treatment was my next attempt at hair greatness. I actually turned it into the 23 minute miracle- More is more, right?? Result: Yummy smell that brought me back to my teenage years when I actually did have healthy hair. Overall it did a great job making my hair soft and smooth. Advice: Keep it in the shower and slap it on every 2-3 days. During the 3-minutes that you have to wait, you could shave your legs instead of skipping it again. Your husband will thank you.
Day 7: On the 7th Day…..She rested.
Day 8: Used the conditioner that came with my hair color from earlier in the week. Result: Not too shabby. My hair felt great and I had a good hair day! Advice: Why don’t they just bottle THIS stuff???
Day 9: I tried a trick that my mom used to do to me and I ran vinegar through my hair after shampooing. It is supposed to get all the gunk out of your hair and leave it very clean after shampooing. Result: Sorta smelly. Advice: Not worth smelling like sweaty socks.
Day 10: The Pièce de résistance- Drumroll please…..”Henna and Placenta”. Say Wha? You heard me. Oh yeah. I did it and I am not ashamed in the least bit. See? It’s legal. They sell it at Walgreen’s people- not in some back alley somewhere. OH, and it’s placenta extract, so don’t worry. It’s like the Eau De Placenta- from animals. So no hate mail please. Result: It doesn’t dye your hair. It’s neutral henna, so don’t worry. It leaves your hair amazingly soft and manageable. I loved the way my hair felt after using this stuff. I left it on for quite a while and also heated it up with a hair dryer for a few minutes before rinsing it off. It smells delicious- not at all like afterbirth strangely enough. Advice: DO IT! You won’t regret it one bit. It’s inexpensive, $2 for an ample amount, and I am sure your local drug store carries it. I think it’s the hidden secret! I am divulging it to you now! Tell all your friends!
So there you have it. Ten days of hair love. Now, don’t get me wrong. I have no idea if the reason I liked the Henna and Placenta was because I had put 8 other concoctions on my scalp prior to using that stuff. So, take it for what’s it worth. My hair really is happier for the attention I paid it and while I am not going to go gang busters like this all the time, I will definitely treat my hair a little nicer now. I don’t flat iron it as often and after a little pampering, I can actually wash and go now- which was nearly impossible before.
Tell me what your dry hair fixes are! I’d love to hear them and obviously I will try anything, so I’d love to put a new method that you love to the test on my hair.
Happy Hair Pampering….Dry winter hair be damned!