Seattle Mom Blogs

Weve had a lot of changes at our house lately. First, my sister-in-law Rachel, who was in Seattle for the summer helping us take care of Elanor, left to go back to college. She took her car with her, of course, leaving us officially carless once more.

Second, when Rachel left, I was able to quit my job, so Im now staying home and taking care of Elanor.

With both of these changes, my bus riding habits have also changed pretty significantly. No longer do I primarily ride the commuting or express buses. Instead, Im riding lots of different buses, and all during the middle of the day.

Its a really different experience, for sure, riding the local routes of the express buses I used to ride. The demographic makeup of the express buses versus the local routes is very different. Instead of being filled with commuters with laptop bags slung over their shoulders and insulated coffee mugs in hand, reading the newspaper or magazines like The Economist, the daytime buses are filled with a much wider range of people. There are a lot of students, especially on the 17, which serves Seattle Pacific University. There are a lot more people riding with reduced fare permits, a lot more elderly people, a lot more people who look a bit rough around the edges.

If Im blunt, the main difference seems to be that those on commuter buses are people who have made a choice to ride the bus because its easier to get downtown, or its cheaper than paying for parking, or its better for the environment. And on the daytime buses, there tends to be a much higher percentage of people who ride the bus because they dont have a choice; its their only way to get around.

There are pluses and minuses to each sort of ride. The commuter buses tend to be quiet (which can be both a good thing or a bad thing, depending on whether or not Elanor is with me). The daytime buses tend to be emptier, which is nice when I have Elanor and a bunch of stuff.

People are much chattier on the daytime buses, which annoys me sometimes, since Im used to the unspoken rules of the express bus, which includes the rule that people dont talk, and if you do talk, its done quietly so as not to disturb anyone else. When we ride the local routes, that rule doesnt usually apply, especially if Elanor is with me. Lots of people tend to talk to me about her, always asking how old she is, and a lot of the time, commenting on how cute she is.

When Im by myself, I can usually avoid talking to people by just not making eye contact, but when Elanor is with me, she usually makes eye contact with anyone and everyone, so I wind up talking to more people than I usually would. Thats not necessarily a bad thing; for the most part, people are nice and how cute Elanor is. (And how can I argue with that?) Plus, most people have a filter so they stop talking if I dont feel like prolonging the conversation.

Ive had to adjust my expectations and remember that its okay to talk to people on the bus, that Im not on a commuter bus and no one expects me (or Elanor, for that matter) to be quiet.

Im working on how to deal with the stroller rule. (Which, incidentally, I cannot find in writing anywhere on Metro’s website or in any of their printed materials I’ve seen. Interesting.) I bought a smaller stroller a few weeks ago, and since Ive been at home during the day, Ive tried bringing it on the bus with me several times when weve gone out to run errands.

About half the time, Ive been asked to take Elanor out. About half of those times, the driver asks me to fold the stroller, too. And the other half of the time, the driver doesnt say anything, and Im able to leave Elanor in the stroller. (This is really nice especially when weve been shopping. Holding a diaper bag, a shopping bag, and trying to fold stroller by myself on a moving bus all while holding a baby is not easy. Its enough that if were only going a couple of miles and we have the time, I just walk instead of having to deal with the hassle of getting on and off the bus.)

One driver told me that the reason he asks people to fold the stroller is that if he gets caught letting someone leave their kid in, he can get in trouble, which doesnt surprise me.

I dont know. I certainly dont want to get anyone in trouble, but I really appreciate it when drivers dont make me fold it. If I set the brakes, and set the stroller between my legs as well as hold onto it, its pretty secure. And if were on some of the newer articulated buses, its even better, because the seats right behind the handicapped ones have more legroom than the rest, and the space is just enough to fit the stroller in.

For now, Im just trying to work around the rule. I only bring the stroller when I really have to, and otherwise just try to use the Ergo. Its not a perfect system, obviously, but were figuring it out. Its just one of the many tradeoffs inherent in our carless lifestyle.

Coming soon: a post about my involvement with a Metro Transit Rider Advisory Panel. Yes, Im a transit geek. I know. I’m okay with that.

Every morning while feeling sorry for myself for having to wake up at the crack of dawn. I usually walk past Babboo’s bedroom on my way out of the house to make sure he’s still sleeping. My gut starts to hurt at this point it the day. This is the time of day when I’m reminded that I won’t see my kid for another nine hours. I’m always tempted to wake him up, just so I can get a hug or a “bye Mommy” from him. But It’s too early for him to wake up. I know he needs to stay asleep.

Every other morning I walk to the bus stop and dream about what it would be like if we could afford for me to stay home. I think about all my lady friends from my church congregation and about the fun things they have planned that I’ll be missing while slaving away at the office. I missed their trip to the pumpkin patch last week. I’ve never been able to go to their Thursday morning playgroups. I can’t join their 9am book club. I’ve yet to attend one of their Ladies Luncheons. I am left out of their little club 100% of the time. All because I work and they don’t.

Most of them don’t know my kid’s name and they really have no idea who I am. I feel like an outsider.

And most morning, I feel sorry for myself about this. I feel left out. I feel like the world is working against me, all because I have a career and they don’t. I know it’s wrong, but I’m typically jealous of them. I know my husband The King, and I don’t have a lot of money and that’s why I work. I know it’s the best thing for our family right now. I know. And yet, why do these SAHM have nicer clothes then I do? Why do they all drive better cars? How is it that their kids dress so nice? And dude, really, how do you afford those new DVD players in your van? How can they afford to go to the museums and the zoo every week? Why do they get to put their kids down for their naps everyday and potty train their own toddlers?

And why am I so darn jealous?

Until last night.

Today is the first day, in a very long time, that I was happy about being a full time working mom.

I hung out with some of the SAHM’s from church last night. It was their monthly Girls Night out. I hadnt even planned on going. You see, I only get a few hours a night with Babboo and The King so to give up my one chance to see them is a hard choice to make. But this night out was scheduled late in the evening, so I would still have a little bit of time with Babboo. And so I decided to join the ladies.

And dude, was it a mistake.

I had no idea that these SAHM could be so catty. And over dramatic. And just plain mean to each other. In the first thirty seconds of the evening out unnecessary drama was introduced to the party. Im talking about scathing e-mails, mean words about peoples kids, family secrets of (those not in attendance) shared, and tears. Actual tears.

These women are all adults. They are married and have kids and families and they were acting like we were all back in high school junior high. Apparently this type of drama is uber common in their SAHM group.

And I felt like an outsider. But this time I was okay with being the outsider.

I didnt want any part of this drama. I didnt want to know why they all hate Rebeccas son. I didnt want to know why Ginnys family all hate each other. I didnt want to read the e-mail Samantha sent Amy before the party. I felt like all eyes were on me and that I needed to choose sides and make alliances right that second. But I dont want to make any alliances. I dont want to be on one side and not the other.

I just wanted to go home.

But I couldnt. I was stuck there for the rest of the evening until my ride was ready to go home.

I finally got out of there and returned to my house. I started to recount my unbelievable evening to The King. I told him I didnt know what to do and how I was going to make peace with all of these ladies. I mean, I have to serve with them at church. And I like them. I do. I just dont want to be around this negativity.

So today, Im thankful to be sitting in my quite cubicle busily working on my tasks while listening to my iPod. There arent any sides to choose and nobody is talking bad about me or my kid or my husband. And so what if I cant go with them to see High School Musical III today because Im at work.

This is where Id rather be today.

So you SAHMs out there, is this what its like for you guys? And if so, then Im sorry.

(Today’s column was originally posted over at hola, isabel.)

Isabel is a pseudonym for this Seattle-based blogger. She’s been working since the day she realized soda and lip gloss weren’t free. Isabel became a mom in 2006 and continues to work full time, outside the home, since diapers and mortgages aren’t free either. You can read far too much about her personal life at hola,isabel.

If you have questions, anecdotes, or topics for Double duty. One paycheck., email Isabel at holaisabel [at] gmail.com.

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SEATTLE-Ethiopia is the cradle of mankind, the birthplace of coffee, the purported resting place of the Ark of the Covenant-and home to legions of Bob Marley fans. Discover five million years of this country’s diverse history and culture in the world premiere exhibition Lucy’s Legacy: The Hidden Treasures of Ethiopia, on display at Pacific Science Center from Oct. 4, 2008 – March 8, 2009.

As always, the Pacific Science Center in Seattle has made a well-rounded anthropological exhibit. It begins with a historical tour through Ethiopia’s ancient history. Visitors are taken through a study of the cultural and religious aspects that have shaped this ancient civilization. Photos and artifacts are brought to life with an audio wand that acts as your personal docent. See ancient Korans and beautiful diptych paintings. Learn more about the Queen of Sheba, King Solomon’s lineage and brush up on your Rastafarian knowledge.

Next you’ll find a hands-on area that transitions the historical area into the archaeological area. It gives visitors a chance to search for fossils and piece together a skeleton. You have many opportunities to bring out your inner Indiana Jones. From here you will see replicas of hominid fossil skulls representing our evolutionary changes throughout time.

The culmination of the exhibit is a beautiful evolutionary mural that is a backdrop to Lucy. Dr. Donald C. Johanson discovered this 3.18 million year-old Australopithecus afarensis fossil. His 1974 expedition at Hadar, Ethiopia was a breakthrough. Johanson’s discovery filled in a missing link in the evolutionary scale. Lucy’s skeleton gave evidence of a previously unknown species of hominid.

Give your family at least three hours for this exhibit. You can end your tour with a viewing of Mysteries of the Nile in the Eames IMAX Theater. Mystery of the Nile is a breathtaking cinematic adventure that takes audiences on an expedition down the world’s greatest and most deadly river, the Blue Nile. For 114 days, a team of explorers led by Pasquale Scaturro and Gordon Brown face seemingly insurmountable challenges-class VI rapids, dangerous crocodiles and hippos, gunfire from bandits, malaria, sand storms and the fierce desert sun-as they make their way along all 3,250 miles of the river to became the first in history to complete a full descent of the Blue Nile from source to sea. Throughout the journey crossing Ethiopia, Sudan and Egypt, the beauty and wonder of the magnificent Nile region are revealed as never before.

Images and Information used with permission, courtesy of pacificsciencecenter.org

Pacific Science Center (http://pacificsciencecenter.org) is an independent, not-for-profit educational institution that inspires lifelong interest in science, math and technology by engaging diverse communities through interactive and innovative exhibits and programs in every county of Washington state and beyond.

IMAX is a registered trademark of the IMAX Corporation

Astacia Carter is also known as mamikaze. Read her blog Life On the Run .

My work day changed recently.

I used to pick up my two year old son from his downtown Seattle daycare and then we would ride the Metro bus home together. This was our time together. He would sit on my lap and tell me about his day. He would tell me what he ate for breakfast and lunch. He would tell me about the library visit, or Singing Time with Brian, or what he did out on the playground. Sometimes, if I was lucky, he would even sing The Wheels on the Bus to me and the rest of the commuters. (It must be noted that often the commuters did not appreciate this and would move away from us. Oh well, their loss.) My Sweet Babboo and I had this forced alone time each day. There was no dinner to prepare, phone to answer or bathrooms to clean. It was just he and I. And I loved it.

Last week he started at a new daycare. This one isnt in downtown Seattle, instead its closer to our home. Its a good daycare full of energetic kids and innovative teachers. Its entwined in our community and 50% cheaper then the downtown daycare. But there is no bus ride home, together, from this daycare. Instead I ride the bus alone and then drive the car to pick him up.

The first few days of the new commute I thought were great. Oh the reading I could do on the bus. I excitedly packed my book into my bag every morning and was giddy with anticipation of some reading time. I was able to finish a 700 page book last week. This is unheard of for me. Before, when I didnt have time to read on the bus, it would have taken me months to finish a book of that size.

Babboo and I get home in the evening much later then before. This new commute just takes more time. It took a few days but eventually I realized that I missed having Babboo with me on the bus. I missed that physical interaction with him on my lap. I missed watching his face light up as he told me about his day. I missed watching the other bus riders telling me what a cute kid I had and being able to gush about him.

We get home a little later now. I quickly start to prepare dinner while returning missed phone calls and throwing the wash into the dryer. Babboo usually goes into the office to play with his toys while Im running around like a mad man. Sometimes well sit together on the couch, him playing with his blocks while I do a Soduko puzzle. But mostly life just goes one.

I miss my kid.

I decided I needed to try to get back some of our old one-on-one interaction. We have a car ride now that we didnt have before. During this ride I have recently forced myself to turn the radio off and ask Babboo questions about his day, just like we used to do on the bus. We are both still trying to learn all the other students names and figure out their food menu and teaching schedule. So having these few minutes to just talk is good.

Its still not the same as riding the bus together. Babboos not sitting on my lap. He isnt touching my face while he tells me he loves me. Sure I can watch his facial expression in the rear-view mirror. But lets be honest, that isnt the same. (Nor is it very safe.) We arent walking home from the bus stop together anymore and checking out which neighbors have wind chimes (the kid is totally fascinated with wind chimes) and which neighbors have ding-dongs (also fascinated with door bells).

This is how its going to be now. I need to just make the needed adjustments and get used to it. Just because its different doesnt mean its bad.

So tell me, what is your commute like? And if you have kids, how do they factor into your commute? Id love to hear what works for you!

Isabel is a pseudonym for this Seattle-based blogger. She’s been working since the day she realized soda and lip gloss weren’t free. Isabel became a mom in 2006 and continues to work full time, outside the home, since diapers and mortgages aren’t free either. You can read far too much about her personal life at hola, isabel.

If you have questions, anecdotes, or topics for Double duty. One paycheck., email Isabel at holaisabel [at] gmail.com.

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Before I came to the United States, the concept of letting a child choose was a very alien one.

I know that makes us sound like a bunch of tyrants but those were once some of your parenting concepts in, like, times of yore. Sadly, they are still our present-day philosophies. Children are meant to be seen and not heard. Speak only when you’re spoken to. My way or the high way.

I first learnt of “limiting choices” at my older daughter’s cooperative preschool, which I’d first joined because it was close to where I’d lived in Redmond, and because it was very affordable. There were monthly compulsory parenting education classes we had to attend as part of our commitment, and I then learnt how to offer choices to my then 3.5 year old.

“Would you like to stand up or would you like me to help you stand up?”

“Would you like milk or water?”

“Would you like to clean up your toys now or after we have lunch?”

I thought it was genius. Not only did I get what I want as a parent – to make my child eat and drink what I thought was appropriate, clean up, stand up – the child also had some measure of control over the very simple act of making a choice, which in turn gave them some satisfaction and happiness in their little daily lives.

And then I attended ANOTHER parenting class about nutrition, and we talked about power struggles over food. The nutritionist had advised that the best course of action was to:

1) accept that you have NO control what they will or will not eat

2) accept that our role as the cook was only to offer healthy choices at the dinner table and not to force the food down their little throats

Again, alien. In Malaysia, scores of parents, nannies and babysitters still sit down with a spoon in one hand and a bowl of rice in the other, in front of the TV, feeding the kids until perhaps middle school when the children themselves feel embarrassed by it (at about age 10 or 11?).

The method was fast (20 minutes tops), it was efficient and tidy (no spills, rice on the carpet, etc). And then the grownups can have a sit-down meal in peace. Who cares about learning table manners and quality family time when you don’t have to deal with messy kids, power struggles and WASTE?

Waste is perhaps the biggest issue I have with this “live and let eat” philosophy, for which is more important to your child? Giving them a chance to listen to their bodies, or having them learn not to waste food? Nutritionists and other parents have suggested maybe letting my kids take what they want (instead of me making sure they take a little of everything). They almost always end up taking a piece of bread and nothing else, so it’s back to square one.

We’ve also adopted the “No Thank You” bite rule (thanks Skye!) where they HAVE to take one obligatory bite before saying they don’t want it. And that’s what they usually do.

My dear husband has suggested cooking the same dishes every day, dishes I know they will want to eat. That is NO way to live.

In the end, I decided waste (especially in our tough economic climate) was a more important lesson. And so, we’ve gone back to our Malaysian roots but with an American twist: I make a special bowl, rice with whatever I cook that they may not have eaten before and would normally not voluntarily eat if I let them choose, and I mix it all up like a salad or a savory rice. I split the rice up into two bowls, and then give them a choice of ten spoons or 15 spoons (gauging from the amount I’ve given them). It has worked like a miracle. They usually have only a vague idea of what they’re eating (pork or carrots or noodles). Once in a while, they will pick out something they don’t like but very rarely. In the end, they really don’t care if they know they have a choice – ten or 15 spoons, and I’m done. There’s no wastage, the kids learn to eat new and exotic types of food (even if they may not know it) and they still have a small measure of control.

Limiting choices IS genius, I tell ya.

So what are YOUR ideas for reconciling waste and want at mealtimes? Come share!

Read more of Jennifer Tais writing atThe I’mPerfect Momor enjoy her photos atwww.jennifertai.net. If you have questions, anecdotes, or topics for Tea Leaf Journals, email jenn[at]theimperfectmom[dot]com.

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