Babeland, the family-friendly (or at least not-at-all creepy) sex store on Seattle’s Capitol Hill, is coordinating Sexy Mama Bloggers throughout the month of May. Why? Because what better way to celebrate Mother’s Day than to celebrate the thing that got most moms in this position in the first place? (If you’re scratching your head and trying to recall just what precisely that thing is, clearly you’re a mom, and clearly this topic is timely.)
Sex was a topic in my family from an early age. I don’t recall any cringing, awkward birds-and-bees conversations, but I do recall talking about sex–a lot. Mostly because my parents made references to sex (well not SEX per se, but you know) all the time. “Love pats” (pats or tweaks on the butt) were common. As were sex jokes, sex puns, and sex books (I remember sneaking The Joy of Sex off my parents’ book shelf with my friends). I also recall a couple of anatomically interesting toys (a Santa figurine who showed a bit more than good will) and a T-shirt with the bold caption KEEP ON STREAKIN’ with a bunch of cartoon people of all shapes and sizes walking across it–naked. (Dad only brought out that shirt on special occasions.)
My family did talk seriously about sex sometimes too. My brother and I, of course, knew the proper names of our various parts. And my Camp Fire group attended a mother-daughter sex education talk hosted by Planned Parenthood when I was probably eleven or twelve. And, of course, I remember the response to the age-old kid’s question: “Mom, Dad, what is sex?”
“It’s something special shared between two people who love each other,” my folks said quite simply.
(A fantastic response for kids, I’d say, though I’m not sure all adults would agree on the love part…but those are hairs to be split when the is a tad older than two-years-old.)
Now, I know we don’t really want to think about our kids being sexual–just as kids cringe thinking of their parents being sexual–but I think a Sex-Positive Family for me means presenting sex as a normal, healthy, happy part of life. Because, after all, that’s what I believe sex should be. Not taboo. Not creepy. Not full of shame and insecurity and fear. Though I suspect we all pick up a bit of that sex baggage from the weird way our culture views sex anyway.
The ultimate goal, I suppose, is that my Bungle of Joy will have a happy, healthy, orgasmic sex life someday.
Some long, distant, far-off, waaaaaay down the road someday…
I agree – sex should just be matter-of-fact.
I am totally on-board with this approach. Tip-toeing around the sex issue just doesn’t make sense to me, and neither does graphic discussions with full-on graphical illustrations. Keeping it light, straightforward, and NOT a big deal is the best way to handle it in my book.
You are exactly right. Sounds like you came from a sex positive household, actually.
I snuck my father’s Joy of Sex off of his bookshelf too! It made me determined to leave books around for my kids to find so that even if they don’t want to ask me, they can always read a book when I’m not around.
[...] Seattle Mom Blogs: Now, I know we dont really want to think about our kids being sexualjust as kids cringe thinking of their parents being sexualbut I think a Sex-Positive Family for me means presenting sex as a normal, healthy, happy part of life. Because, after all, thats what I believe sex should be. Not taboo. Not creepy. Not full of shame and insecurity and fear. Though I suspect we all pick up a bit of that sex baggage from the weird way our culture views sex anyway. [...]
My parents were schizo when it came to sex. On the one hand they talked about it from an early age so that we were informed. I remember in 4th grade when they did the first bit of sex education I was one of the very few kids who had already heard it all. (Keep in mind they didn’t cover much at all in 4th grade, just the very basic basics, so it’s not like it knew it ALL. I just knew the basic basics already.) They presented it as a normal, acceptable part of life.
But later when we got older and actually started to experiment – even with mild stuff like kissing – my parents couldn’t handle it. They completely freaked. Then they told us not to do it and laid on the guilt. So apparently they were comfortable with TELLING us how it all worked, they just weren’t comfortable with us DOING it, at any level, at all.
I am definitely not going to do that to my kids!!!
BTW Dallas, EXCELLENT idea!!
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