Seattle Mom Blogs

So the basic premise here is that Moms like sex just as much as the next gal.*

*Except when they’re too busy.

And there’s the rub. (Or lack thereof.) Because Moms’re always too busy now aren’t they? Which is why Babeland’s Sexy Mama Bloggers (in honor of Mother’s Day) have been asked to tackle this question: When do you fit sex in?

And so enters The Quickie. You know, the 2.5-minute roll in the hay that you squeeze in during the Saturday nap. Or before the B. o. J. wakes up Sunday morning. Or on some harried after-work, after-dinner, after-bedtime weeknight while before falling into an exhausted coma of a sleep that threatens to give you the new nickname: Log. (I always thought it telling how a downed tree in a forest is called a nursery log; even inert and prone, Mama Log nurtures and sustains tiny creatures’ lives. But I–clearly a Pacific Northwesterner–digress.)

Anyway, the Parenting Sex Books seem to be fans of the quickie, suggesting that “sex — even quickie sex — is critical” for new parents. And, while I don’t disagree (I mean, who has time for a luxurious all-day romp when there are bellies to burp, noses to blow, and tee-ball games to cheer), I do have to point out a few devilish details:

1. You might have noticed that quickie implies speed.
2. But most women take longer to reach orgasm (at least with a partner) than men do.
3. Not to mention, in a quickie situation, the PRESSURE.
4. So if your partner is a guy, and you’re doing something quick, then — let’s be honest now — most likely he’s going to get more bang for his4-letter word.
5. And you. All you get is lickety-split sex.
6. (Er, without the lick.)

Now, Dr. Helen Fisher says that ANY sexual stimulation will give us the dopamine boost that creates those all-important lovey-dovey feelings. So even quickie sex, sans Big (or lil) O, can help our relationships. Though I’d venture to guess that most of us would prefer our dopamine with a side of orgasm, please.

And yet, there is something sexy (perhaps powerful, perhaps fulfilling, perhaps confidence-boosting) about giving a partner pleasure; the traditional quickie certainly has its (speedy) time and (flexible) place. But sometimes moms want some serious, if quick, pleasure too. So here are some tips to making quickies fulfilling for both involved

1. Quickie sex does not have to be intercourse. Especially since 75% of women don’t orgasm during intercourse. So why not spend your precious 2.5 10 minutes doing something that will work for both of you?

2. Or, come to think of it, just YOU. If you don’t have time to do the whole tit-for-tat thing, then why not divide and conquer. Tit for him one day, tat for you another. This might be the one thing in your relationship where it’d be fun to keep score. Or maybe develop a new rhythm all together (tit-for-tat, rata-tat-tat).

3. Speaking of dividing and conquering, here’s a trick I heard about at Babeland’s Sexy Mamas event last Sunday: If you happen to wake earlier than your partner one day, then why not take care of yourself (which, statistics say, takes only 3-4 minutes when your partner’s out of the picture), then wake him for a quickie focused on him. That’ll start the day out with a bang!

Beyond the physical, one of the wonderful things about sexual intimacy with a partner is the emotional intimacy it brings. And while the quickie certainly has its place, it also has its limits. So here’s another idea offered by a psychologist at last Sunday’s Babeland event: Instead of getting a babysitter so you and your partner can go OUT, find a babysitter who’ll let you stay IN (e.g. sitter takes kids to the zoo or a movie — or the moon for all you care)so then you can take all the time with your partner — and s/he with you — that you’d like.

This post has been cross-posted at my blog for the Seattle P-I.

Writer and mom Janna Cawrse is writing a travel memoir called The Motion of the Ocean: 1 Small Boat, 2 Average Lovers, and the World’s Longest Honeymoon (Touchstone Fireside, Summer 2009). You can read more about relationships at her Seattle Post-Intelligencer blog . If you have questions or topic ideas for Moms Like Sex Too, email janna [at] seattlemomblogs.com.