Kids and the City
I’ll Take my Coffee With a Side of Boobs
When I first heard of the bikini baristas a while ago I thought, yeah - this will blow over like yesterday’s news, thinking that it was, quite possibly just a slow news day around The Sound.
Then Stephanie wrote about it here and I thought again, okay, obviously this is not going away - but it hasn’t really creeped into my coffee-getting ways yet, so hey - maybe this isn’t something I really care about.
Then I heard this out of my daughter’s mouth while driving past a local “sexpresso” stand the other day: Hey mom! Look, that girl is in her underwear. Why is she in her underwear?
Fabulous. That bubble I had been hoping to raise my daughter in has apparently sprung a leak.
And it was then that I knew that my war with the bikini baristas had just begun.
A little back story here, I used to be a barista. What does this mean? It means that I was Tully’s trained and can whip up a mean pot of coffee and a shot of espresso with the perfect amount of crema on top. I find great value in the perfecting of foam and the mixology involved with creating a unique flavor. I also know that there is a fair amount of skill involved in doing these things and to me, I really don’t care if you look like Cindy Crawford or John Belushi, if you can make a mean latte or a dry cappuccino, I’m yours.
That being said, there is little emphasis on quality in many of the drive-by espresso stands that litter the sides of our roads. Sure there are some who actually care about the beverages they are handing over to their customers for the price of a weeks worth of groceries, but many do not. If I want a good caffeine fix, I know exactly where to go to get it and I am fully aware that I am taking my chances pulling up to one of the roadside stands.
But the chance of bad coffee, not a peep show, is all I want to be concerned about.
Some compare the scantily-clad baristas to girls on the beach. Okay, fine. But seriously, tell me you wouldn’t you be just a little bit uncomfortable pulling up and ordering a mocha from a sixteen-year-old wearing less fabric than your own undergarments? And what if you have kids in the car? Double ick, in my opinion.
Some say, this is no big deal in Europe - that we all need to loosen up a bit and not be so offended by the display of the human body. Well, I got news for you folk, I love and appreciate the human body just as much as the next person, but hello - this is not Europe (although, that would be nice, wouldn’t it?). Our culture is not one of “hey, it’s just a body - get over yourself.” It is one of “hey it’s a body, let’s sexualize it as much as we can and make as much money off it as we can.” As much as I wish it were different, we live in America, land of the free, home of the boobies (real and artificial). That, is where my problem lies.
I want to teach my children that their bodies are beautiful, that all bodies are beautiful and should be treated with respect and admiration for all of their perfections and imperfections. But our society does not see it that way, which makes it a very hard uphill battle for those who want otherwise.
How do we teach our daughters and our sons that women aren’t sexual objects when they are slapped in our face that way every chance they get?
Of course, there is the whole “freedom” and “constitutional right” angle to the argument as well, and I respect that wholeheartedly. But I can’t honestly sit here and say that I would be supportive of a coffee stand in my town that chose to go down that path, even if the barista made the greatest macchiato this side of Italy.
I can’t do that because of what it teaches my daughter and my sons. I can’t do that because although I feel everyone has a right to express themselves in any way they wish - our culture is just not there yet, even though we wish it were.
Therein lies the struggle. How do we support freedom and individuality at the same time teaching our children the morals and values and self respect that we so want them to have? How do we teach them to stand up for what they believe while not supporting the freedom of expression (if that is what it really is) of others?
Most of all, why does it have to be so hard? I read all of the time of the struggles people had to go through for social, political and environmental change and I wonder, is this one of those things we have to overcome? Is this just another roadblock on our way to a society that loves women for being women, not for being what we are told is beautiful or sexy? Is this it?
Someone please, hand me a guidebook.
Carrie Blankenship is the mother of three (four, if you count her goofy puppy). She writes her way through motherhood at Stop Screaming I’m Driving! She accepts bribes of lattes (especially Starbucks) and offers of free babysitting. If you’re really lucky, she may even do your laundry. She can be contacted at carrieb-at-seattlemomblogs-dot-com.
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Thankfully, my town does not have any “bare-istas” .
I am convinced that all of these types of espresso stands are just doing it to grab attention and drum up business. I don’t think “freedom of expression” has anything to do with it. That’s not what they are promoting. They are promoting “Sex sells”…in this case, coffee.
Great blog, Carrie.
Of course it’s just to get more business. It’s not freedom of expression, it’s exploitation.
On a happier note: http://wenatcheeworld.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080726/NEWS04/658919263
Thank you Krista! I had heard about her story on talk radio last week and after my daughter’s “interest” in the underwear-wearing barista, and then that story, my mind was reeling.
Such an interesting story. I encourage everyone to read about it. She, of course is getting a ton of publicity about it (more so than the actual winner) and some are criticizing her up the wazoo. Others say she is a hero.
I think what she did was not for attention, just personal reasons and having not viewed the swimwear in question before the pageant, she made her choice as soon as she knew it wasn’t right for her. Hero? Naw, just a girl with some morals who decided to back out when she didn’t feel comfortable. I would be proud of her if she were my daughter, but wouldn’t make too big a deal of it.
I don’t think she’ll be serving coffee in a bikini anytime soon.
The way I view it is that because we DO live in America, where freedom of choice and expression should be protected, I’m willing to put up with some T & A coffee stands, just as I’m not trying to close down the Lusty Lady in downtown Seattle, where women dance for men in a woman-owned and operated peep show.
Just as I’m willing to put up with the publication of over-18 porn, I’m willing to risk seeing a little skin in a coffee stand. It’s legal. It’s free will.
As for protecting my kids? Just as I can explain to them my views on birth control, or sex before marriage, or right-wing politics, I can explain my position on why I think it’s ok or not for girls to sell coffee that way.
As for the beuty queen-IMO, either you agree to the rules before hand or you don’t. If she didn’t want to wear a bathing suit, knowing that one was worn in the competition, she should have skipped the contest, and written in why, not waited until after she was in the middle of things. But-she’s got her wish-making a stand for the purity and morality of poor unsuspecting beauty queens everywhere. Maybe next year they’ll allow girls to wear those ever so popular bathing suits from the early days of the 1900’s-I’m sure they cover enough.
Honestly, aren’t there more troublesome things to worry about out there, like war, poverty, etc.
Where do you draw the line? Are the tellers at the bank going to start wearing “Fetish Friday” outfits now to get more people to join the bank? How would people react if cashiers at Target started wearing nighties to work? is that acceptable? Would you still take your kids there because it’s just them expressing their constitutional freedoms?
I think Carrie’s points a valid. Why is it okay to have “bare-ista” stands next to where my kid takes taekwondo or one block from the church or school….Hell, strippers in this state have to wear more clothes then some of those gals and those places can’t be next to the school.
I get the point of freedom of expression…blah blah, but, why do I have have to explain to my kids that the barista is half naked because guys get off on that? Isn’t that what strip clubs are for?
I didn’t even have to stop at one for my son (10) to see the girl hanging out the window with pasties on serving up coffee.
Well now, if a bank started having Fetish Friday, I might switch over! Seriously, though, ANY business is free to have a dress code, including uniforms, such as Target has with the red shirts and khaki pants, or mini skirts as in some restaurant/bars. And patrons are free to not shop at any of them, just as employees can leave if they don’t like the rules.
But we all know that it’s not likely that Target will start employing nightie-wearing hot chicks. I’m always amused when people trot extremes out in a debate, reminds me a little of the opponents of gay marriage bringing up “What if someone wants to marry their DOG?”
Just as TV has an “off” button, and we are free not to buy Grand Theft Auto, we are free not to shop at bikini coffe places. And we’re free to tell our kids why-just as we’re free to tell them we don’t want them piercing their face in five places, getting a green mowhawk or three tattoos. But we don’t have clothing police, and I like it that way.
The alternative-such as getting arrested for letting your ankles show is far worse than having to explain to my daughter why a girl is serving coffee in a bathing suit.
We can’t have it both ways. Either we have freedom of choice or we don’t. We can write codes that create boundries, but if those boundries are being followed, we aren’t free to hamstring others because we feel uncomfortable.
I’m not going into the Lusty Lady any time soon. But I’m not going to try shutting it down, and I don’t take an alternate route to “protect” my daughter from seeing that it exists. Same goes for the baristas and the green mowhawks.
And I would say that comparing the bare-ista (love that term) arguement to “getting arrested for letting your ankles show” is an equally extreme arguement to take.
My point here is that why should these espresso stands be excluded from the regulations and laws applied to other adult-oriented businesses?
Since the bare-istas are a fairly new phenomenon and no precedence has been set, I think some fair and reasonable regulations need to be in place just as they are for other adult businesses like Lover’s Package, Honey’s, etc. If a girl can’t wear pasties at a public beach and shoes and shirts are required to enter the majority of businesses, than why should someone be allowed to hang out the window of an espresso stand showing her goods to all who pass?
I think with some work, we can have our cake and eat it too. We can have it both ways just as we have been in this country since it’s beginnings. Yeah, we’ve got a long way to go, but we’re learning.
It isn’t all about being “uncomfortable” - it’s about fairness too, and decency and giving women the choices they so deserve instead of pigeon-holing them into one category, that of a sex object.
My husband took some friends of ours visiting from Denmark to a “stripper-coffee” joint down the street. They COULD NOT BELIEVE that we had such a thing! They were appaled, and were adamant that such a thing would never be allowed in Denmark. There’s a difference between appreciating the human body and exploiting it. On this same visit, we learned from the VERY FRIENDLY (although scantily clad) barista that there are 37 such joints in the Seattle area and only 13 elsewhere in the world. I guess that makes Seattle special?
Agi– Strippers in strip joints aren’t hanging out the window for everyone to see. You have to go in and be a certain age, so I don’t think that is a fair comparison.
And this isn’t about “worrying” it’s about action. Worry doesn’t do anyone any good. Are you worrying about poverty and war? Or are you taking action? This is one issue we can take action about. And quite frankly, less sexual exploitation would lead to less casual sex, less unwanted pregnancy, less poor single moms, less poverty….
I agree with Carrie, they should have the same regulations as other “adult” businesses.
As for how to explain it to my kids though? Our kids know that we have certain “rules” and standards in our house. When they see other people “breaking” those rules, we just explain that those people don’t have our same rules. That way it becomes clear that it’s still NOT okay for them, but they don’t become judgmental either. We don’t say that it’s okay for that person to do it, we just say, they don’t have the same rules.
Seriously… “If you don’t like it, buy your overpriced coffee somewhere else”. “Community standards” are nothing more than majoritist sanctimony. If you think you shouldn’t be expected to avert your eyes from something that offends you, your repressed fascist ass has no business living in a free country.