Adoption Adventures
Kids’ Fest
On Saturday we went to an event called “Kids’ Fest” hosted by Northwest Adoption Exchange (NWAE). It was an interesting experience.
So what is Kids’ Fest exactly? It’s an opportunity for prospective adoptive parents to meet children in the foster system. It’s a party with a carnival-type atmosphere where the kids are running around, engaging in different activities and having fun. The adults are joining in the play and hanging out with the kids. There is no talk about foster care or adoption – it’s all about fun and playful interaction. The point is just to meet and mingle with several kids who are waiting for adoption.
Bill and I interacted with several kids. We started by shooting hoops with a 9 & 10-year old brother and sister, then moved on to eating pizza with a 10-year old girl, frosting cookies with a 12-year old boy, and playing bongo drums with a 7-year old girl and her 10-year old sister. There were other kids we met along the way too.
It’s a neat idea, but I have to admit it was weird at the same time. It was definitely cool to put some warm bodies to the faces we’d seen in the photo listings and to hang out with different kids. At the same time it felt very awkward – at least for the adults.
Here’s the thing: we’re surrounded by all these kids, all currently in foster care, all hoping for a home. The younger kiddos are just having fun but you know the older ones understand the purpose of the party. What do they think about that? How does that make them feel? The sad part is you know that Kids’ Fest isn’t going to result in a new family for every kid that was there.
Some of the kids we met were very open and engaging, but some of the kids were quite closed. You’d try to talk to them and interact but they had no interest in talking to you. I had to wonder, are they so jaded that they feel like there’s no point? Have they already decided they’re not going to “get picked”? Have they been so let down by the adults in their lives that they just can’t trust anymore? It’s heartbreaking to think about.
Sadly, foster kids have a bad rap. People tend to think they are riddled with problems, that they’re “damaged goods”. But when you think about it, aren’t we all to some degree? These kids had a rough start, and yes, it’s affected them. But as we hung out with these kids it was amazing to see their resilience. Even those that were a bit closed were still enjoying themselves and participating in the activities. Despite what they’ve been through they still knew how to have fun.
While we don’t think any of the kids we met will end up being a match for us, Kids’ Fest was worth going to. If nothing else Kid’s Fest confirmed what we already knew in our hearts and minds: all of these children are still just “regular” kids. I just wish the rest of the world knew that.
This entry also posted with the Seattle PI. Copyright © 2008 Susan Metters. All rights reserved.
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In addition to being a writer and aspiring mom, Susan Metters also carries the distinguished title of Cancer Survivor Extraordinaire. Some of her secret ambitions include meeting Dr. Phil, hosting Saturday Night Live, and rising to the top as a rock star. You can read more about Susan’s life adventures by visiting her blog with the Seattle P.I., Lemon Margaritas. If you have ideas, questions, rants, or ramblings feel free to email Susan at susan [at] seattlemomblogs [dot] com.
The idea of this… the kids knowing that there are potential parents there… is sort of heartbreaking to me. I’m glad to know people like you, Susan, who are stepping up and making a difference.
Yeah, it’s gotta be tough for some of those kids. I don’t really think they are “damaged goods” but some of those kids need someone who can really give them a lot of focus and attention. Like, I am sure you and your husband would be great for some of those kids, but like me, for example with my three kids under 6, would not. I just can’t give them what they need, you know?
Glad you had a good time. You’ll find your “set” and they’ll be just right for you family.
Some of the excuses I’ve heard from people who won’t adopt foster kids: “I don’t want kids born with drug problems.” “I don’t want a kid whose parents are around (and might try to get them back).” “I don’t want problem children.” “I only want a baby.” “At least foster kids have a home. Those (international) children in orphanages have no one.”
I think I’ve said this before-I applaud you for what you’re doing. I think you have the right reasons and are going into this with your eyes open.
As for the fair-it has an icky feeling to me. My grandmother spent time in an orphanage thanks to an unstable widowed father, and the kids got paraded around with instructions to look right and behave so thatsomeone would pick them. She remembered always being anxious about her behavior and also whether she and her younger siblings would get separated. Thankfully an older sister took them in before that happened.
I get the idea behind the fair, but what it must feel like to those kids-knowing that eseentially they are on display like department store goods!
Yeah, I totally agree about the “icky” feeling. The whole thing is just very weird. But our agency assured us that the social workers prepare the kids by telling them this is just a fun party and that they will all go home with their foster family.
I got the impression that they make it as low-key as possible for the kids and keep emphasizing the fun and not the adults that will be there. In fact, when we got there they had all the potential parents go in a seperate room first and told us that it’s more weird for us than it is for the kids.
They also instructed us what NOT to talk about, told us not to focus on just one kid and to mingle with as many kids as possible, and told us to focus on having fun as well. They definitely didn’t do what they did to your grandmother (which was awful, btw!).
And who knows, maybe I am reading more into why some of the kids were closed. Maybe they were just preteens acting like preteens!
BTW, I hope my posts are making anyone feel guilty for not adopting. Apparently - according to a recent census - only about 10% of people adopt. It’s just not for everyone and that’s totally okay. I just wish that the people who DO choose to adopt would consider older kids and not just infants. If they adopted 3 kids, for instance, why couldn’t their first 2 be infants and the last one be a foster kid? But I am getting off onto a subject that could be a blog in itself!
Thanks for your support everyone! It means a lot.
Oh geez, I meant to say I hope my posts AREN’T making anyone feel guilty. Talk about changing the meaning of the sentence - sheesh!