Double Duty. One Paycheck.
It’s a good thing my reviews are only yearly
Shortly after returning to work after my maternity leave ran out I ran into The Big Boss in the elevator. He asked me how Babboo was and gave the the old thumbs up. (I hate thumbs up, by the way.) Then he told me that I sure did look good for just having a baby. And again, the thumbs up. (Seriously, what is with thumbs up? Gag.) Initially I was happy that someone told me I looked good, since of course, I didn’t feel good that soon after carrying a living person in my belly. Once I started to think a little more about it I realized that maybe The Big Boss shouldn’t be making comments like that to his female coworker.
Especially not in an elevator in front of other employees.
It was then that I realized I was no longer Isabel, the Super Savvy Employee. I was now Somebody’s Mom. Being Somebody’s Mom was not going to be good for me in the career world.
Crap.
It’s been a bazallion years since that day in the elevator and The Big Boss still can’t seem to talk to me without mentioning the fact that I’m a mom. In fact, come to think of it, he’s never actually asked me anything work related in over a year.
Thankfully I don’t directly work with The Big Boss, so I’ve not had to worry too much with coming up with a way to divert his attention from my parental status. While my Direct Boss likes to discuss Babboo with me, I’ve never felt like he crossed the line like The Big Boss.
That it, until last week when I had my yearly review with my Direct Boss.
As with all my reviews in the past I’ve made sure to come prepared. Which means I know I’ll ask for more money. And I wear a very official suit. And my glasses, since I think they make me look smarter.
So while I did all my usual preparations, I was not prepared for what would actually go down at my review. Immediately after sitting down with my Direct Boss, I read over what he had written in my review. And then I died.
Okay, I didn’t die. But I could have.
He wrote; Isabel’s personal and home life hinder her from advancing further in her career.
Gasp!
Without even thinking I told him that under no circumstances would I allow him to put something like that in my review. Not only was it not true, in the slightest, I found it highly offensive. The worst part about all of this was when my Direct Boss seemed shocked that I was shocked by what he had written.
Which means he truly believes this way.
He truly believes that because I’m a mom I can’t advance my career. This thought floored me. Not only because I’ve been an exemplary employee at this company for over seven years, but because my Direct Boss is also a parent. And his wife works full time. He, of all people, should know what I’m talking about.
Clearly he doesn’t.
He agreed to remove his statement from my review and acted like it was no big deal. I spent the rest of the review feeling unprepared and having to rethink my entire review strategy. I’m pretty sure I talked a little too much about how reliable I am as an employee and about the hours I spend in the office away from my child. You know, just to remind him.
I still asked for a raise, and like all the years past, was told I’d just have to wait and see.
I walked out of my review feeling a little better about the whole situation. I felt confident that I had convinced my Direct Boss that my home life in no way was slowing down my career path. I mean, duh.
The day after my review I had to skip work to stay home with my sick kid.
Crap.
That probably won’t look so good on next year’s review.
Isabel is a pseudonym for this Seattle-based blogger. She’s been working since the day she realized soda and lip gloss weren’t free. Isabel became a mom in 2006 and continues to work full time, outside the home, since diapers and mortgages aren’t free either. You can read far too much about her personal life at hola,isabel.
If you have questions, anecdotes, or topics for “Double duty. One paycheck.”, email Isabel at holaisabel [at] gmail.com.
I am pretty sure that is discrimination. If a company offers sick time/personal days, they cannot penalize you for taking it! I am highly offended by his statement. HIGHLY OFFENDED. WTF?
I need to stop now because I’m about to start ranting about how I pay $100 a year for STD insurance in case i accidentaly get pregnant. you know, since pregnancy is a disability. A disability that only affects women, so they have to pay more for insurance, even though we make less than our equal male counterparts.
Ok, I’m seriouly stopping now.
This? Is the one thing I am most afraid of when it comes to having a child and working full time. That the people I interact with for work with will see me as less of an asset because of my life outside my office. I’ve even had sales managers (outside of my workplace) tell me not to do anything stupid, like get pregnant, because it would really mess up THEIR schedule and plans. They think they’re joking. I think they’re jerks.
I’ve seen high-powered parents both work in a way that their careers didn’t suffer (or actually change much) after their child was born, but guess what? The kid suffered. It’s like they are telling you to be a bad parent or not climb up the job ladder. These are our choices???? Ugh.
I cannot believe this, I would be furious. I get the magazine “Working Mother” and I am always so proud of the stories I read about lawyers still becoming partner after 2 or 3 kids and maternity leaves or still becoming partner while working a flexible schedule. Then I hear this and it just angers me. Did you give you any example of your actual work product being poor? I am mad for you, and I would have taken the next day as a sick day just to come down from my anger!
I CANNOT believe this. Seriously my mouth is dropping open in disbelief. Unbelievable. How dare you go and try and have a family and a life outside of work? Don’t you realize that anything not work-related that might require your attention is just NOT OK? Unless you’re a man, of course. GIve me a BREAK!
I agree with Pink Herring: that is definitely discrimination, especially since it sounds like that was just a blanket statement, without any proof to back up his claim.
If my boss ever says anything like that to me, you better believe I’d be reporting him to HR.
Now you have me thinking…I wonder if my boss thinks the same way about me too? There are very few women where I work to begin with, and I’m the only one who can’t travel regularly because I have a child at home. Luckily I have what I think is a very understanding boss, and my personal situation has never been brought up in a negative way.
Good for you for standing up for yourself and demanding that his statement be removed from your review. I don’t know if I would have had the balls to do that.
[...] Want to hear about how my boss told me my career was headed for the toilet because I’m a mom? I tell you all about it over at SeattleMomBlogs. [...]
Wow. I’m shocked too. I would have been too angry to respond. It would have been interesting to find out specifically the reasons he thinks you cannot advance your career. HIGHLY OFFENDED, INDEED!
This is what scares me about being a working mom. I don’t think I will ever stay home either because of financial stability or because of my mental stability so I feel that once I become a parent I will be an in the office mom. My position requires me to travel and I get nervous about what that will mean in regards to my life once we have children.
And the big boss. What a tool! I had a direct boss that gave high fives. Sometimes he even threw up a ten. Not shitting you. We started a tally of high fives.
Wow. I’m with Pink Herring and Frema. WTF? I hate that employers like this exist and that they’re so prevalent in our society. It makes me fear having babies.
ditto on the outrage!! that is wrong wrong wrong and probably illegal.
I cannot believe your boss did that. Seriously, so offensive and discriminatory. I don’t know if I would have been able to sit there with composure the way you did, but I’m so glad that you stood up for yourself.
Good for you!
Hmmm…. does your “career advancement” include a move to a better opportunity at another company?!?
There are many out there who aren’t like this - perhaps they deserve a chance to give you a real PERFORMANCE review & raise.
I am so sad so many of you have commented that this story makes you “afraid” to have a child. I just had my first - and yes I was afraid (we all are) - but it is the single greatest thing I EVER did! Yes, my colleagues look at me differently and sometimes it hurts. I totally emphathize with this blog….but sometimes there is admiration too. I’ll never forget the day I told one of my toughest clients I was pregnant - and he HUGGED me! There were actual tears in his eyes when he congratulated me. Not to mention that each time my daughter looks at me, I realize no one else’s perspective really matters. In her eyes, I’m the BEST, and that’s better than any “thumb’s up.” It’s a feeling money can’t buy. Unfortunately, if you had to buy it, I couldn’t afford it, but lucky for us some of the best things in life are still free.