Double Duty. One Paycheck.
In which I treat myself to an iPod and then feel guilty about it.
I was leaving work yesterday, trying to get my new iPod all set up for the walk to Babboo’s school when a coworker jumped in the elevator with me. I don’t know this man. He’s one of the 500 fellow employees of my huge firm. I have seen him before. Mostly I see him outside our building lighting up his cigarette, several times a day.Yesterday he decided to strike up a conversation with me. He asked me if I was planning on getting the new iPhone. I just laughed and told him I’m so far behind the times that I only recently got my first iPod. He asked me how much my new iPod set me back.
I told him they aren’t cheap.
He told me his wife stays home with their kids while he works to support them. Therefore he didn’t think he’d ever be able to afford an iPod.
This guy saw me pregnant. He knows I have a kid.
He knows I’m a working mom.
I instantly felt the need to justify my iPod. I told him that I had received a referral bonus for getting someone hired at our company. I told him I used that money to buy myself the iPod and that under any other circumstances I wouldn’t have splurged on myself like that.
I knew I was trying to justify it. I felt horrible doing it. What I really wanted to say was, how much do those cigarettes you’re smoking set you back? I wanted to tell him that if he quit smoking he could buy his own iPod in a month or so.
But I didn’t.
Instead I just stood there with my expensive iPod in my hands and felt like a selfish woman. A woman who spends her money on worthless things like diamonds, furs and fast cars while a stranger raises her baby.
I don’t care that this guy smokes. That’s his prerogative. That wasn’t the point. The point was that while he was making me feel bad for the money I spent on myself, he is doing the same thing with his cigarettes.
And that isn’t fair.
I talked to The King about it this morning and about how this man made me feel horrible. He told me I should have told the guy to shove it in his cornhole. Which sounds good in retrospect, but probably wouldn’t have gone over so well in the company elevator.
Actually The King told me that I shouldn’t have felt this way at all. And he’s right, I shouldn’t have. This guy doesn’t know what our situation is. He doesn’t know that we’re building a house for our family. That we’re building it ourselves because the housing market in Seattle is such that we wouldn’t be able to afford one any other way. He doesn’t know that we only own one car in an attempt to save money. He doesn’t know that we donate a hefty amount of money to charity with each paycheck.
He doesn’t know.
See look, I’m justifying it again. But this time to the internet.
So tell me, how could I have handled this situation better?
(Originally posted over at hola, isabel back in February.)
Isabel is a pseudonym for this Seattle-based blogger. She’s been working since the day she realized soda and lip gloss weren’t free. Isabel became a mom in 2006 and continues to work full time, outside the home, since diapers and mortgages aren’t free either. You can read far too much about her personal life at hola,isabel.
If you have questions, anecdotes, or topics for “Double duty. One paycheck.”, email Isabel at holaisabel [at] gmail.com.
[...] While it isn’t completely new material, you still might want to check out my latest post over at SeattleMomBlogs. [...]
I have been sitting her thinking to myself about how I would respond, and I really don’t know. It almost sounds as if the guy is bitter he “works to support them”. I think I would have just said “oh” and kept on my business.
But, I would be thinking, well my husband and I share the responsibility of supporting our family, and it allows our family to have the lifestyle we want.
I would also be thinking something similar about the smoking.
I had something very similar happen when we bought our new vehicle. My co-worker basically said, “It must be nice to have such a fancy vehicle at such a young age. I drove junk until I turned 40.”
I felt really guilty and materialistic at first. We didn’t NEED to buy what we did. The more I thought about it though, I got angry. By choice, her husband does not work a steady job (he’s a musician) and she supports him. Her bitterness toward her situation is not my problem.
I ended up just saying, “Well, we did a lot of research and got the best we could for what we were able to afford. It’s the first and probably last brand new car I will ever own and it sure makes the long commute a lot more bearable.”
What I wanted to say was, “Stuff it, lady.”
I think you handled it just fine given the circumstances, but you should never feel guilty for the choices YOU make for YOU and YOUR family. To heck with what cigarette guy (or anyone else for that matter) might think.
Just like Anna, when I bought a new vehicle last year, I got all sorts of snarky remarks from co-workers… “ooh you must have gotten a raise” came from more than one person. You know what people, maybe I did (I didn’t) but it still really pissed me off. I found myself explaining to people why I chose that particular model, etc. But why do I have to justify how I spend my money? Also I find myself justifying purchases to my family and friends too. What I want to tell them is: I’ve worked hard to be where I am today. I am sorry if you’ve made different choices. But don’t make me feel guilty for having these things! (whew…thanks for letting me get that off my chest!)
Some people assume that if you have extra money, you don’t need to work. This is simply not true.
For example, let’s say that you need $100/week to live.
Your husband makes $60/week.
If you stayed home, you would make $0/week.
This would leave you with a $40 deficit. Therefore, you need to work.
You only NEED to make $40. But, because you’re good at what you do, you actually make $100/week.
Let’s say you spend $30/week on day care, which brings your take-home to $70/week. You’re still bringing in $30 more than you NEED. This is money that you can spend frivolously, on things like iPods.
You still NEED to work. But, because you work, you have extra money.
Needing to work and having extra money are not mutually exclusive.
Working this all out in my head helped me be more comfortable with the fact that I made a lot more money than we “needed”.
If was you in that elevator, I would raise one eyebrow at this man and say “Oh? That’s too bad.” and leave it at that. He clearly doesn’t get it.
I think I would have simply stated that it cost “enough”, and left it at that. It was actually pretty rude of him to inquire at the cost anyway.
You should have told him it was like at least $400. You don’t really know because you just charged it.
side note: I am really glad that you just got an Ipod. I am still on the slow boat and don’t have one. I just got a camera phone this year. And I think the King is right with the cornhole comment.